Benji Lovitt
Because the Middle East is Funny

Top 10 Excuses for Israelis to Go Outside

As a result of the deadly COVID-19 pandemic, the Israeli Ministry of Health has enforced strict regulations to slow the spread of the virus. With few exceptions, the population is on indefinite lockdown.

Exceptions aside, here are the top 10 excuses to leave home:

10. Selling cucumbers at Ramle shuk is considered essential.

9. Last-minute Daka90 package to Cyprus trumps silly “rules.”

8. Half an hour away from the kids outweighs possible respiratory problems.

7. Your wife has threatened “10 more plagues” unless you return with toilet paper.

6. Guy on Facebook who claims to be a rabbi says he allows it.

5. Can’t do online Pilates due to neighbors’ continuous porn usage.

4. Your crazy neighbor convinces you this is just a liberal media hoax.

3. Despite all the “3rd time, ice cream” election jokes, you forgot to pick up a frozen Magnum bar.

2. Technically, it’s not going outside if you “forget” your cell phone at home.

1. Sara won’t let you back in until you’ve formed a coalition.

Co-written by Liron Kopinsky and Yoav Fisher

About the Author
Since making aliyah in 2006, Benji Lovitt has performed stand-up comedy and educational programs for groups including Jewish Federations, Chabads, synagogues, Masa Israel Journey, and Birthright Israel. His perspectives on aliyah and Israeli society have been featured on Israeli TV and radio and in publications such as USA Today, Time Magazine, the BBC, and more. Benji has worked as a cross-cultural trainer with groups including the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Masa Israel and is a popular presenter on the Limmud International circuit. During 2014's Operation Protective Edge, his humorous observations on the war led to his being called in Israel "the only reason to go on Facebook.”
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