The whole concept of gender is that sex isn’t everything; how someone sees themselves is more fundamental than what their body resembles.
When people around transkids push sex and deny gender, the kids will feel a need to change their sex to force people to regard them as their gender.
However, who says that a man cannot have female sex organs and a woman not male sex organs? Those who maintain that women should have less body hair and more fat under the skin; Those who maintain that men should have more body hair and a lower voice; these stereotype thinkers push transgender kids towards wanting bodily (sex) changes.
That jives smoothly with medical professionals’ eagerness to transform (pardon the pun) transkids into ‘normal’ boys and girls. What’s so holy about normal? Why could a person with a male body and clothing not wear a pin: ‘Note, I’m a woman,’ and vice versa? A shock? We also needed to get used to replacing horses with cars. Nothing time can’t do.
Why must a discrepancy between sex and gender lead to unhappiness?
Then, some people see themselves as both or neither gender. Sometimes that changes over time; typically, it doesn’t ‘change.’ Rather, it develops.
How insecure about their own gender, sex, or sexuality intolerant people must be when demanding normalcy while trying to pass as ‘normal’!
The organization of (ex-) psychiatric patients in the Netherlands once promoted a poster with white-font words on a silver (mirror) background. The text read: ‘Ever met a normal person? And, was that pleasant?’
Orthodox Judaism doesn’t demand that anyone ‘be normal.’ It does identify the sin of being inauthentic. When it says that we should be on the outside like on the inside, it doesn’t mean that our sex and gender should be the same. It means, rather, don’t pretend to be what you are not.
The first time you think about this could be confusing. But, you can never go wrong when you love people just the way they are and want to be.
I overheard someone say: “I’m interested in you as soon as you stop being so macho.” (This is called gender/sex role.) The reply was: “Wow.” Was that invitation a dream come true or a small price to pay? Was it meant for in private, public, all the time, or at least sometimes? But seemingly, it was not an assault on how the other wanted/needed to be. That’s what counts.
Once, a guy found his wife smoking in the WC on Shabbat. He went to Reb Moishe. Should I divorce her? No. But, what should I do? Love her more.
For every relationship counts that you can’t ‘change’ others. People only can progress to becoming more who they deep-down are. And when we feel loved, it’s easier for us to be or become ourselves. When we feel criticized, we often feel unloved and stuck. So, if you want someone to ‘change,’ love them and say: “Please, never change, unless you want to.”