Parashat Vayetzei: Where Identity Resides

In Parashat Vayetze, we learn that our identity is the expression of our values and are independent of one’s physical circumstances. At the beginning of the parasha, when Yaacov has a dream (Genesis 28:16), he finds Hashem even in the most desolate/lifeless of places. The awesome “place” that Yaacov realizes he is in is really because of what he himself brings to it. He also teaches us that time is an illusion when one is living in a way based on what is important to one. In his case, when he chooses to work seven years in order to marry Rachel (29:20). Our values are our identity, they are our deepest essence, creating our core; our heart, which no one can take away from us, and a place we will always be at.

The place where we are born doesn’t necessarily reflect who we are. There may be ways in which we do not resonate with our birthplace or the place we live. Nevertheless, these are the very ways through which we are pushed to express our individual emet (truth). To be able to look back and see that we have made choices that were true to our individuality in a physical place that was not really “us”, is one of the greatest pleasures – one that remains with us. 

How else could Yaacov choose to work so long for his wife in a foreign land where he was constantly being manipulated? Because it reflected his and his future wife’s values to do so. I include Rachel here (even though as far as we are told she wasn’t doing any work in order to be married) because hearts are always interconnected .So we can assume Rachel, as Yaacov’s soulmate, was doing some type of similar work in her own way. Proverbs 27:19 says, “Just as water reflects a face, so one’s heart reflects another.” 

The Zohar (147b) explains that the seven-year time period that Yaacov proposes to work for Rachel is that specific number in order to give her the seven emotional sefirot. He was completing something for her, and so too for the world. But when is a person or a project ever complete enough? The Zohar says that she was like Binah (understanding) to him, and so she was actually helping him connect to the understanding of these sefirot. Some of the most powerful values are the ones we learn from the people we love because we resonate with them. It continues to say that because he was always connected to this understanding through her, it felt like just a few days went by.

In the first paragraph of the Shema, Hashem tells us first and foremost to love Him with all our heart. Surprisingly, the word for heart in Hebrew (“lev” or “levav”), in Biblical Hebrew, referred to the source of reason  – what we would probably call “mind.” Using all our hearts is also how we first make space for Him in all our life, and so let discernment into all parts of our life. Being true to one’s heart means facing whatever thoughts and feelings are true at that moment but remembering Gd’s glory. While our values ideally do not change regardless of where we are, they always depend on changing circumstances. 

When I need to connect to what is most important to me at a given moment or can’t find an object in my home, I go to the place where I pray, close my eyes, don’t think of anything, and just look at what my heart shows me. From my mind’s eye, I look at where there is the most love, and if I am relaxed enough to see what it shows me, then it is always the location of what I am looking for. This same logic works for other situations. Talking to Hashem is, in a way, talking to one’s heart while being conscious that Hashem is everything and there is only Hashem. 

When we connect to this part of us, everything works better in our body and every action becomes pleasure. In Viktor E. Frankl’s famous book, “Man’s Search for Meaning”, he explains that the meaning we give to our actions is something no one can take away from us and gives us the most strength to survive. This reminds me of the deep song from Mitski, “My Love Mine All Mine,” in which she sings, “nothing in this world belongs to me but my love…”  Even when we pass away and have nothing left, the impact of our values, the love we give, will always survive. 

We can keep understanding our heart by studying Torah in whatever way is the most pleasant in a given moment. Torah encompasses many different types of text, including the nature of how things work – but science alone sometimes can be limiting because we are also able to go beyond nature, as we learn from the ample classic Torah texts. But as I described above, this means sometimes just closing one’s eyes and directing one’s attention to the oneness of all. The interconnectedness of all with Hashem is the most important of Jewish values. 

We try to emulate Hashem, but Hashem is not defined by a physical place and characteristics, but by the values He teaches us. So why don’t we bring that out more in each other? We should start asking more questions about others’ opinions and/or  feelings on any matter at hand so we remind them of what is in their hearts in a given moment. The more people we can help, the more true love we will feel, and to get there, we need to embrace the most love within. 

The sefirot also represent different parts of the body, and the same sefirah is connected to both Yaacov and the heart. Combined with his soulmate Rachel, he teaches us about the sefirah of Tiferet (beauty) that comes from balance and harmony, originating from the heart. We are at the point in the story where Yaacov is about to risk everything but he knows who he is, his values and so that reassures him and his wives who share his values to take the risk! When Jacob relays God’s instructions to his wives that he is to return to Canaan, we are told in 31:14: “Then Rachel and Leah answered him saying…” His wives are speaking like one body (perhaps a Kabbalistic precursor to the merging of their souls into just Leah with Rachel’s death). They say that it is Hashem who gives them everything. They don’t know what to expect if they leave, but find all the strength from their values and heart. Although their physical circumstances are about to change, they find solitude in their solid identity through the connections and values at their hearts. Yaacov does the moral act of consulting them and including them in the decision-making process during this secret meeting of the field – symbolic of love’s strength, fed by their values, in the face of the unknown.

For the strenght of  Kol Yisrael and World Peace

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