Vote early, vote often!

Election Day 2016, USA.  Though it’s difficult to imagine a worse president than Barack Hussein Obama, we are now threatened with a possible eight years of Hillary “Sticky Fingers” Clinton.

Other than Marxists, socialists, academia and self-loathing Jews, Americans are confused, angry, frustrated that they are left with the choice of either Clinton or Trump. Hillary has been accused of lying, stealing, swindling, strong-arming, blaming Benghazi on a video andher private email server on ignorance.

And Trump? Well, after seeing Hillary planting a kiss on Arafat’s wife, “encouraging  the Arab Spring, and her alleged fortune, partially, allegedly from Arab “donations” to the “Clinton Foundation,” there’s no question as to which candidate would be a better friend to Israel and to Jews the world over.

In fact, there are probably at least 33,000 reasons for every Jew to vote for Donald J. Trump. Here are but a few…

  • He’s not Hillary Rodham Clinton.
  • Voting for someone because she has a vagina is like buying a house in Quebec because broccoli’s high in Vitamin A.
  • What tarmac? Loretta Lynch who? No, no, no – I was meeting with Loretta Lynn. That’s right – The Coal Miner’s Daughter. Loretta Lynn. I swear I did not have sexual relations with that other Loretta. Or any “Loretta.”  To the best of my knowledge. Just ask FBI Director James Comey…
  • Finally, finally — someone can tell Hillary, “You’re fired!”
  • You want another eight years of Obama as much as you want an    unpopped kernel of popcorn stuck between your back molars for eight years.
  • Hillary -> Huma -> Anthony Weiner, aka Roger Danger = #TeeHeeHee = #Mortified = #Ewwww…
  • Trump looks better in a pantsuit, though Hillary seems to own more of them.
  • Omarosa will singlehandedly destroy ISIS… um… ISIL? uh… DAESH – oops! Sorry! Didn’t say DAESH. Don’t hurt me! I meant that ragtag group of adventure-seeking boys-in-black. Sort of like Peter Pan’s Lost Boys, only with Kalashnikovs.
  • Trump probably keeps his cigars in a humidor.
  • Al Sharpton and Rosie O’Donell promise to leave the country –sort of like those buy-one, get-one-free sales. Only better.
  • He’s easier to tell apart from Elizabeth Warren.
  • Trump’s wife has lots of service-for-12 china and gobs of silverware, so no worries about their boosting stuff that doesn’t belong to them when his term is over. (Google “Fact-checking claims the Clintons stole $200k in furniture, china and artwork from White House”).
  •  I’ll take funny hair over a cackle every time.
  • He might build a wall but she’d find a way to get around it. Or claim she didn’t know it was there. Or try to explain why Vince Foster was a suicide, not a…or fire the entire White House travel staff or really- what difference—at this point, what difference does it make?
About the Author
Mollie Fermaglich is a widely published NYC-based humor writer. She is the author of 3 books including MOLLIE'S RULES FOR THE SOCIALLY INEPT and the blog, Mollies Rules for You.