Michael Loftus
Michael Loftus

Vote Rhino

There are many Israeli political parties running in the upcoming elections. But one may have missed your notice. So as a public service, I would like to bring to your attention — The Rhino party.

You might think this is a Purim joke, but just google Rhinoceros Party, and you will see that it is a real thing. Wikipedia claims that it originated in Canada, but it really started here. As everyone knows, Moses had a stutter, and when asked where he was taking everyone, he meant to say Canada, but because of his speech impediment, it came out Ca… aa naa an. Rhinos can’t hear, but can read lips, so one went to Canada and a few years later, began a political party.

This election year, a descendant of the original Canaanite Rhino, and leader of the party – Cornelius, has decided to throw his hat, or rather horn, into the ring.

Why vote Rhino?

Firstly, the leader, Cornelius, is a perfect politician. As a rhinoceros, he is thick-skinned and slow to move. Secondly, perhaps the reason the Rhino party has missed your radar is because, rhino’s generally, and the leader Cornelius in particular, are very quiet. Rather than appearing on TV shows, talk shows, or video clips, they prefer to paddle around in their local watering hole. For no other reason, rather than having to listen to why the other party is the worst party in the world and will lead only to catastrophe, wouldn’t it be nice just to have some peace and quiet for while?

Quiet does not mean ineffective. A Rhino’s horn can be very persuasive. What better way to get the peace process going with a nice sharp horn into a backside of a reticent negotiator? Similarly, with regard to Iran, the motto of the Rhino’s party is, speak softly and carry a big horn. Is the overworked bureaucracy making you wait and wait and wait? Nothing like a horn to push you to the front of the line. Vote Rhino and you will get your own horn.

But just because the Rhino party is quiet does not mean that it does not have a party platform. For example, what does Israel have in abundance and what does it need? It is the start up nation. It has lots of hi tech. But it has very little, if any, snow. So why not trade hi tech, for snow? And what better place to put all the snow than the Machtesh Crater in the Negev? In the winter time, a ski resort, and in the summer when the sun melts the snow, a huge lake where you can swim, sail and water ski. And with the extra snow, there will be no more `Kinneret red lines’ or concerns that the Dead Sea is drying up.

Another problem in Israel is the traffic and lack of manners among Israeli drivers. The Rhino party has the solution. Go back to the time of the Mandate and the British influence, and begin to drive on the left side of the road. So that people will have time to get used to this, the change will be incremental. Trucks will be first. This will undoubtedly solve both the traffic problems as well as engender in Israelis a new respect for their fellows drivers.

Lastly, the Rhino party is not looking for many seats. One will do. Elect just one Rhino, and he or she will take up many many seats. And no smaller party will be able to tell them where, when or how to sit. Rhino’s are impervious to political pressure. Take a good look at the watering hole. Not even the alligators think to take on a Rhino.

So, when election time comes, think about Cornelius and the Rhino party. Because after all when you think about it, wouldn’t you rather just be lounging around in a watering hole?

About the Author
Michael Loftus has a masters degree law from the London School of Economics. He has been involved in business and capital markets for 40 years. Additionally he is a licensed tour guide, and a docent at the Israel Museum, Bible Lands Museum, and Tower of David Museum and has a specialist designation in Jerusalem from the Israel Ministry of Tourism.
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