We are still on miluim-reserve duty

“I’m coming home for Shabbat”

He told me over the phone

amidst total afternoon chaos on a typical Thursday

“Great” I say

And hang up

Trying to listen to three children

All talking to me at the same time

Small hands pull on my shirt

And another child sits on the couch in tears

After holding in his feelings for an entire day in gan.

“Abba is on his way home”

I announce publicly to my living room

They look up

Half acknowledge me

And are back to focusing on their toys.

We’ve gotten used to this

It isn’t “difficult times” we are living through

That would indicate it’s a glitch and that normalcy is just around the corner.

It’s just life, the new normal

But after a week of holding it all together

I couldn’t wait for him to come and take the next shift.

Not that he was going to

He was coming home after an exhausting week in the army

And needed so desperately to crash in a bed that has his name on it.

We aren’t those people

Who keep score and are competing

We try our best to help each other

And step up when the other cannot

We are partners

Each one of us desperately searching their pockets

Maybe we’ve got a bit more energy stashed away somewhere for emergencies

Even though we crossed the finish line

We know there’s an extra sprint there at the end

Surprise!

And that’s the hardest part

Because we are already done

We didn’t save any energy for that last bit

We wanted to

But we couldn’t

“They won’t understand you”

I’m told

By fellow army and reservists’ wives

But I wish people would

I love when my husband comes home

Mid reserve duty

To visit

To recharge

They call it an “After” with an Israeli accent

Does it mean because after he leaves

My kids are a mess again?

My children are so happy for their Abba to be home

But when he’s here as a VIP visitor not a resident

It’s just that

And it’s hard

And it isn’t normal

Nothing about this is normal

I’m a Miluima (the reservists’ wife)

He’s on Miluim (reserve duty).