Weighed Down by New Year’s Resolutions? How About Another Option?

How’s your February everyone? Did you make New Year’s resolutions this time around? If so, how is that going?

If the answer is, “Not too well,” I have another approach to offer. Those of you who, like me, chose not to weigh yourself down (or should I say load yourself up) with resolutions, might also consider this alternative. It was gifted to me during a New Year’s Eve Zoom class, hosted by one of my favorite yoga teachers, Kristin Bilella.

Kristin’s invitation at the beginning of class was to write down five things we wanted to let go of during the coming year and five things we wanted to bring into the new year. Once completing our lists, those taking the class at the yoga studio placed their let-go list onto a “flying wish paper” (a specially treated sliver of paper that you roll into a tube, light on fire and then watch float upward). It then disintegrates into ash. Those of us on Zoom were invited to crumble up the let-go list and flush it down the toilet.

Did I flush my list down the toilet? Not right away because it occurred to me that I wanted to be able to look back at that list at some point– to see how successful I had been in letting those five things go. So I decided I would xerox the list the next day and then throw it down the toilet. Which I did. If you are wondering if I felt silly, the answer is yes. But yoga frequently asks of its disciples to lighten up!

As for our lists of what we want to bring into the new year—those we were to put in a safe place and have a look at every once in a while as a reminder during the year.

You may be asking, “What makes this exercise any less fraught than adopting a new year’s resolution?”

For me, it feels very different because listing the things I want to let go of doesn’t carry any commitment with it. I don’t resolve to let go of these things. I don’t promise they won’t come with me into the new year.  I just express a wish to let five things go that are negatives in my life.

And it’s the same lack of pressure with the five things I would like to bring into the new year. I haven’t resolved to do anything. I’ve simply gotten in touch with five things I’d like to bring into my life—or continue in my life. There’s no judgment in  yogic practice.

I imagine if you are a curious person you may be wondering what things were on my lists. Are they too personal to reveal? Maybe a little. But, then again, it doesn’t feel right to keep them hidden, especially since you’ve done me the honor of reading this essay. But, before offering my list, please know that I don’t obsess over these things ad nauseum. They just arise from my subconscious when something in my world awakens them. They are like intermittent, unwelcomed background chatter.

So, with that perspective setting the stage, here they are:

Things I want to let go of this year:

Fear of getting sick with a serious illness or handicapped by an injury or fall
(Those of you who have read my columns before might remember that I wrote about having a big birthday last year, one that made it impossible for me to deny that I was who society is talking about when speaking of “the elderly.” I turned 75 in June.)

Fear of no longer bringing “value added” to the people around me (or the world in general).

Fear of my husband passing away.

Fear that if my husband does die, I will find it debilitatingly painful.

Fear of no longer having the physical and emotional strength to be a good enough parent or grandparent.

Clearly, the overarching issue in my life is letting go of the four-letter word FEAR in its various manifestations. Would you believe that until I wrote this blog, it did not hit me that all five of my let-go items were about fear?

I would like to affirm, though, that these fears are intermittent background chatter in my life—not the makings of a severe, crippling anxiety disorder!  I remain a mostly happy, productive person.

Now, on to the things I do want in my life.

Things I want to bring into the new year:

Self-acceptance

Fun and joy without guilt

Courage to take rational risks

Value added to family, friends and acquaintances

Grace as I age and face losses and limitations

Of course, there is a strong thread linking one list to the other. For example, self-acceptance (the first thing that came to mind as I began my list of things I want to bring in to the new year) is a powerful asset in countering fear. If we can accept who we are, with our limitations, without fear of failure, the fear will typically lessen or disappear.

Do you think it’s worth a try to create your own lists? No pressure, of course.

In the meantime, back to my memory of New Year’s Eve yoga. Once we completed this spiritual exercise, we mentally set it aside as Kristin led us through a traditional invigorating yoga flow of asanas (poses), followed by some calming restorative stationary postures that are held for much longer. I don’t usually do yoga at 11:00 pm at night, but New Year’s Eve is an exception, well worth the exertion since the movements feel like a life-affirming flow into the new year.

Now, a few weeks later, as I think back to New Year’s Eve, what stays with me aside from my lists is an arresting quote about life that Kristin shared in bringing the class to a close. It’s from Brazilian author Paulo Coelho:

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything; maybe it is about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you so you can be who you are meant to be in the first place.”

I wondered, “Does Jewish philosophy blend with this perspective on our travels through life?”

The words of current-day Rabbi Bridget Wynne, founder and executive director of the “open Jewish community” Jewish Gateways in California, confirm that it does!

In one of her Rosh Hashana sermons entitled “To Be Yourself,” Rebbe Wynne relates the story of Rebbe Zusya of Hanipol (Ukraine), who lived a few hundred years ago. To paraphrase: Students came from far away to learn from him. One day, when he did not show up to teach his class, a group of students became worried and rushed to his house. They found him very ill and tearful. He told them he was dying and that he was frightened. The students were puzzled since the rebbe was known for his kindness, generosity and wisdom.

“Why are you afraid?” a student asked. “You, who have been like Moses in your own time? What do you have to fear?”

And Rebbe Zusya answered, “When I come before God, God will not ask me why I wasn’t more like Moses. God will ask me why I wasn’t more like Zusya.”

Rabbi Wynne goes on to explain that, according to Jewish teaching, “each of us is here for a reason, that it is for us “to understand and cherish the uniqueness of every human soul, to know that if there were anyone else exactly like us in the world, there’d be no need for us to be born.”

Best wishes, everyone, as you unfurl into your personal, unique 2025 self!

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Lonye is a member of the Hadassah Writers’ Circle, a dynamic and diverse writing group for leaders and members to express their thoughts and feelings about all the things Hadassah does to make the world a better place, to celebrate their personal Hadassah journeys and to share their Jewish values, family traditions and interpretations of Jewish texts.  Since 2019, the Hadassah Writers’ Circle has published nearly 450 columns in the Times of Israel Blog and other Jewish media outlets. Interested? Please contact hwc@hadassah.org.