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Ellen Chaikof

We’re Actually Worried About You

We have always been particularly close with our Israeli cousins. Going to Israel to celebrate a bar mitzvah and baby naming would normally be a no-brainer. The biggest concern would have been the summer heat. We have been to Israel countless times over the years – for family celebrations, for our three sons’ bar mitzvahs in the 2000s, as participants on missions and just to go on spa vacations with Israeli friends. Israel is our spiritual home and our happy place.

Yet for obvious reasons we did think long and hard before booking our most recent trip. Many people questioned whether it was wise to be going at this time. One relative in Toronto told us we could be trapped there without electricity for weeks or months if war with Hezbollah broke out and the airport was bombed. But in the end, we felt that it was especially important to go now, to be there to celebrate a simcha.

And certainly, our trip to Israel last week for these family celebrations was nothing like previous trips. And not for the reasons we expected. We expected life in Tel Aviv to seem“normal”; Israelis on the beach and in cafes going about their lives no matter the looming threat of war in the north. We expected intense anger, rage and sadness to be palpable just under the surface of all that normalcy. We expected to be emotional wrecks after spending time in Hostages Square and the site of the Nova festival. We expected very few other tourists and for people to be genuinely appreciative that we came. We even expected the taxi driver in Tel Aviv to claim his meter was broken and then text his friend “how much do you think I can take from these tourists for this fare?”, not realizing that we spoke Hebrew and that our son Michael could read his texts from the backseat.

What we did not expect was that virtually every conversation with locals would center around their concern for us in the face of increasing antisemitism in the Diaspora. We were feeling proud of ourselves for going to Israel in the middle of a war to show solidarity with locals who have endured so much since October 7th, and yet they were uncharacteristically worried about us. They all had daughters and sons serving in the IDF, they all knew people who had been murdered or taken hostage in the Gaza envelope and yet they felt so lucky to be in Israel and not outside of it.

If I had to sum up the prevailing sentiment in the country now, it would be that yes life is tough, tougher than usual, and many feel that the government and the army has failed them, but Israel is their home and most importantly is the homeland of the Jewish people. Their resolve is unshaken, no matter their politics. In Israel they know exactly who their enemies are. Outside of Israel, particularly in North America, it is frightening that age-old Jew hatred has just been reawakened and laid bare.

Clearly the antisemitism in North America has received a lot of press in Israel. Everyone wanted to know if we were scared, if we had thought about removing the mezuzot from our homes and what “regular” Canadians/Americans thought about the anti-Jewish rhetoric. Indeed, they seemed to fear for our future much more than for their own.

In response, we spoke about our discomfort with the anti-Israel, anti-Zionist rhetoric on social media and that the university encampments were alarming. The Canadian government’s response to the crisis has been disappointing and not enough has been done in the world of academia to shut down the protests and the condemnation of Israel. The protests, on and off campus, have been unrelenting and are fueled by ignorance. It has been a very frightening wake up call for a Diaspora community that felt that Jew hatred was a relic of the past.

But I also told them that the Jewish communities in Toronto and in New York (we live in both places) have mobilized tremendously post October 7th and have supported Israel, both financially and politically. Our friends haven’t considered taking off their mezuzot – they have instead started wearing Magen David necklaces and pins and dog tags in honor of the hostages. We have attended political rallies and solidarity marches; Havdalah services with Israelis and Shabbat dinners with friends and allies. We are even more steadfast in our sense of Jewish unity and connection with Israel.

On a personal level, my worry about Israel has at times felt overwhelming. Like so many after October 7th, I had difficulty sleeping and would check the news at all hours. We worry relentlessly about the hostages and mourn the loss of each and every Israeli soldier and civilian who has been killed. But what my recent visit to Israel reminded me is that Israelis worry about us too. Never before have I felt so keenly that we are all one family, and as we worry about Israel on a constant basis, so too do Israelis worry about us. I guess that’s just what family members do.

About the Author
Ellen lives in Toronto and New York with her husband David, and is the mother of three sons. A lawyer by training, she now spends time volunteering in the community and writing.
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