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Mort Laitner

Whack-A-Mole

As a twelve-year-old, my mom drove my four-year-old sister, Barbara, and I to the town of Monticello.

I rode in the backseat of Mom’s spanking brand new, jet black Ford Fairlane.

And I was excited me—even though in the backseat, the smoke of my mom’s Newports enveloped and nauseated me.

I considered Monticello a “city,” because it had a whooping population of 5,000.

It also had the most luxurious hotel in the Borscht Belt—The Concord.

And a large penny arcade.

While my hometown of Woodridge had a measly 1,000 residents, the Avon Lodge and Krutman’s Candy Store with its sole pinball machine.

But in Monticello, for about two hours, my mom, my sister and I shopped, ate and kibbitzed.

Smiling, I strolled down Broadway munching on my hot, freshly baked bagel, smeared with Philly.

And if I was lucky, my mom granted me 15 minutes to play my favorite games in the Monticello Arcade.

Yes, pinball, skeet-ball and whack-a-mole.

I was far from a pinball wizard but I shook the Superman-themed pinball machine as if were a delusional patient in a mental hospital.

And I almost always avoided tilting it.

Yes, it was the machine where on the upper glass pane, had a painting of Superman slugging, whacking and punching Hitler in the face in front of a relieved Lois Lane and Jimmy Olson.

I loved that machine.

And I also loved boinking the varmits in the Whack-A-Mole machine.

Boing, boing, boing.

I gleefully struck the moles as their heads rose above the surface.

I loved the boinking sounds.

I grasped the plastic handle of the large red mallet, smashed the mole’s head and pretended that each mole was a person that had done me wrong.

Justice was sweet.

But I realized the futility of the game.

Time always ran out and moles just kept popping up.

But I felt the cathartic nature of smashing my enemies on their noggins.

Well, some 60 years later, I still play Whack-A-Mole.

And I still get that cathartic rush but I do it without the red mallet.

Now I play Whack-An-Anti-Semite with the keys on my keyboard.

When an ugly Jew-hating head rises above the surface of the media.

I whack.

I smack.

I smash.

I slap that head as hard as I can.

One day, it’s “Christian Nation” Marjorie Taylor Greene—whack, whack, whack.

The next day, it’s a teacher who posts her student’s pro-Hitler essays on the school’s bulletin board—smack, smack, smack.

The next day it’s a librarian who makes her students role play shooting Jews into ravines—whack, whack, whack.

The next day it’s “Death Con 3 to the JEWISH PEOPLE” Kanye—smack, smack, smack.

The next day, it’s Brooklyn Nets star, Kyrie Irving, posting anti-Semitic films on his Twitter feed—whack, whack, whack.

The next day, it’s anti-Semite, David dePape, who literally plays Whack-A-Mole with a hammer striking the head of 82 year old, Paul Pelosi, while yelling “Where’s Nancy? Where’s Nancy?—smack, smack, smack.

And I still realized the futility of this game of smacking Jew-hating moles as fast  as they keep popping up in American.

It seems like a losing battle.

A futile battle.

But it is a battle that must be fought.

When I hear the tapping sounds emanating from my keyboard.

And as I see my retaliatory words appear on my screen.

I imagine shaking, smashing and whacking these delusional Jew-hating bastards all the way to a mental hospital.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. Mort is the co-editor of "Sea Of Tranquility---A Literary Anthology." The book is scheduled to land on the Moon in November of 2025 as part of the Lunar Codex Project. The Earthbound editions are now on sale on Amazon. He has also authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." Mort has produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed for free online. ChatGPT says, "Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience." Mort was the president of the South Florida Writers Association and a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal.
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