What If I Told You…A Political Essay on Complexity and Simplicity
What if I told you there were only two major political parties in America?
Yeah, you already knew that.
But what if I told you one of them should be called “It’s Way Too Complicated” (IWTC) and the other “It’s Simplimente”—meaning our solutions are simple (IS).
Are you a too complexer or an oversimplifier? That is the question.
Tough choice, I know. But before you decide, let’s examine how these two parties approach America’s key issues.
Immigration
IWTC: This has been a problem throughout our history. Some immigrants make great citizens—many pay taxes—and we’ve tried everything, but nothing seems to work. People want to live here, and we don’t have the tools or the money to solve it. All we can do is throw up our hands and say, “It’s way too complicated! We’re trying our best. Maybe one day we’ll find a solution.”
IS: Round them up, put them in cages in the middle of an alligator-infested swamp for a few months, and they’ll never come back. Build a wall too high to climb, fill border rivers with barbed wire, and boom—problem solved. Simple solutions send strong messages.
The Economy and Inflation
IWTC: Why address inflation when the stock market’s up? The economy’s “honky-dory.” Jobs are plentiful, unemployment is low—but let’s not talk about the minimum wage. Inflation? Way too complicated. The forces driving it are so complex that trying to explain them to voters would just confuse everyone. Best to avoid the topic.
IS: I’ll tell the farmers and grocers, “Lower egg prices or else.” Threats always work for me. It’s simple. And if it doesn’t work? No problem. Voters have short memories. Remember how nobody cares anymore that Mexico didn’t pay for the wall?
Foreign Policy
IWTC: Stopping countries that have hated each other for centuries from fighting wars? Way too complicated. We talk, we threaten, we impose sanctions—knowing they rarely work. Eventually, they’ll get tired of fighting and stop. We’ve been to Vietnam and Afghanistan; we know the limits of intervention.
IS: I’ll cut their aid, slap on high tariffs, and stop selling them weapons. These moves always work. They know I’m tough, I wrote the book on negotiations, and when I say stop, they’ll stop. Simple.
Antisemitism on Campuses
IWTC: Universities have to handle their own problems. They don’t like being told what to do, and threats just make enemies. Maybe this problem will go away on its own. If not, it’s too complicated to fix without backlash. Silence is golden.
IS: I’ll threaten to yank their federal grants, and watch how fast they change their tune. Money talks, and I’ve got them by the short hairs. They know I control the courts, the House, and the Senate. They’re smart—they’ve got the diplomas on the wall to prove it—so they’ll fall in line.
So… now that you know the facts, which of these two parties would get your vote?
