Why do I still hide?

The young girl behind the counter wears a rather large Star of David, and I keep staring at it.

“Cash or credit?”
Her question rattles me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Oh yes… credit, please,” I answer, returning to the moment.

I pay and leave the store.
When was the last time I wore a Star of David proudly around my neck?

My mind races back 60 years.

“Thank you, Papa, for this beautiful necklace.”
Our father had just returned from Israel — it was 1968, a year after the Six-Day War.
The Star of David had a soft rose glow, encased in a thin circular frame. My father gently fastened the clasp around my neck.
My sister Mona received the same piece of jewelry.

I don’t remember exactly how long I wore the necklace — maybe a year or two — but by the time I turned 18, my mother gifted me an intricate filigree platinum heart, a family treasure passed down from her grandmother, to mark my graduation from the Gymnasium in Vienna.

Jews all over the world were celebrating the miraculous victory of tiny Israel against all its neighboring Arab states.
And there was a brief time — just a brief time — when I proudly showed off my Jewishness.

But the Holocaust walks with my mind and body to this day.

Now, in 2025, antisemitism feels worse than anything I experienced growing up in Vienna.
That ancient undercurrent of hatred has grown louder, bolder.

When I pray at airports — whether in LA, New York, Vienna, or Zürich — anywhere but Israel, I do so discreetly.
I barely move my lips.
I never order kosher meals on planes, just in case someone onboard hates Jews and might treat me accordingly.
So I schlepp my own food — from the main course to the chocolate dessert.

I could list countless ways I try to avoid drawing attention to my Jewishness.
Yet all of these actions contradict my deepest beliefs.

I AM A PROUD JEW.
I AM PROUD OF MY HERITAGE.
I AM PROUD OF MY ANCESTORS — MANY OF WHOM WERE MURDERED FOR BEING JEWISH.
I AM PROUD OF MY FAMILY.
I AM PROUD OF MYSELF — FOR RECORDING MY THOUGHTS, AND MAYBE HELPING OTHERS WHO ARE HIDING.

And in that moment, I wish I could be that young girl in the store once again —
boldly wearing my rose-colored Star of David.