Wine Time Refuse

Conversation at Friday night dinner with the family. Wine. Distracted and listening.

Two months ago, demonstration, Tel Aviv, fliers and stickers distributed. “Refuse.” Refuse to be complicit in continuing this war. Refuse to fight. I was surprised Haim peeled the back of the sticker and put it on his shirt.

To both of us, this sticker has similar meanings. It does not mean we don’t appreciate and support our soldiers. We have trouble with policies and motives of a government which no longer enjoys public consensus, according to recent, repeated surveys showing approx. 70% of public opinion supporting an end to the war and the return of the hostages vs. 28% supporting perpetuation of the war at all costs.

Refuse. Small print on the sticker shows it was produced by the NGO, “Look the Occupation in the Eyes.” Occupation and democracy can’t coexist.

The toll of the war. The government repeatedly accommodating ultra-Orthodox religious parties refusing to have their constituents bound by the commitment obligating the rest of Jewish Israeli society to serve in the IDF. Mainstream media headlines backed with data about young men ordered to return to reserve duty, after post-trauma diagnoses.

Refuse. But be sensitive. Our son-in-law has reserve service again next week.

A few weeks ago, on the news, Einav Zangauker, mother of Matan, still held hostage in Gaza, called for soldiers to refuse to serve because military actions mean high risk to the lives of remaining living hostages. Haim, without hesitation, said if he had to serve in the reserves today, he would refuse. I wonder if he were in the reservists’ age group if he would – because it IS complicated.

My friend’s pain – and she rarely posts – exudes from the text under a photo, blankets covering bodies in Gaza, her post basically saying, “Look at what we are doing. The country founded as a shelter for persecuted Jews has become a murderous monster. Our children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren will wear a badge of shame around the world. Refuse.”

Badge of shame. I was raised inclined to wonder about every German: Nazis or their descendants? The debate never to be resolved over reparations Germany paid: no debate that there is no compensation for Nazi crimes, just whether the State of Israel was right to accept reparations, which unquestionably contributed to building the young state.

Israelis supporting ongoing war in Gaza support Israel settling Gaza to enlarge Israeli territory and protect it. Protect ourselves by first killing children, starving people, and destroying our moral fiber.

Two young adults from the Israel Embassy in Washington, DC, were murdered this past week. The perpetrator awaited his arrest, to yell, “Free Palestine.” Emotional deluge, as a Jew, an Israeli, and an American. Another evil crime against humanity, feels like normalization of Israeli reality. As it made the news, I was texting with an Israeli friend visiting in the US. I suggested they exercise caution to be safe: don’t speak Hebrew publicly, avoid Jewish and Israeli institutions. She reminded me that, in Israel, we are less safe than in the US Statistics.

During Friday dinner, I showed Haim our friend’s post about the badge of shame, and Israel, the murderous monster. He reacts in defiance, though not denial, reminding me we are in this bind in which we are always persecuted, attacked, compelled to defend ourselves – even if we would prefer to refuse. Refuse. No point in arguing over nuances with the guy on my side. He would refuse, remember? He’s in pain. We’re in pain. A people and a nation in pain. I skirmish. Angry. Scared. Disillusioned. Threatened. Loss of faith in our government, led by a Prime Minister without a moral backbone. A Prime Minister who unabashedly says he sleeps well at night. We had Labor and Likud Prime Ministers in wars of the past tortured by their decisions, sending young adults to war, weighing the damages, security and defense, and moral standards. Not this Prime Minister.

In my helplessness, I’m the wining child. Irritable. Cranky. Wining. Internally. Incessantly. Normalized. Wine.

A colleague’s post described the Friday morning protest in southern Israel, near Gaza, where Israelis demanded an end to the war. A protester yelled, “[We,] Third generation to Holocaust survivors, imposing starvation [on Gaza].” The person posting described this as paralyzing. It is.

These posts do not undermine Israelis feeling threatened, our need to defend ourselves, yet reflect Israelis heart wrenchingly questioning the methods. More and more, publicly criticizing the government, demanding truth, not political lies. We need a strategy and policy to protect and defend us – so we can heal, admit, and find a way back to a path where we can weave moral fiber, and ethics for our infrastructure.

At the dinner table, Haim’s son said to his brother-in-law, “The only thing to do is REFUSE.” He didn’t think he’d ever say such a thing; he clarified, it’s just the only democratic public option – refuse to take part in this war. Haim said to me later, his son shares his views. Refuse.

Friday night dinner. Refuse. Wine left in my glass. Wine time. And wining.

Harriet Gimpel,  May 24, 2025