Wonder Woman Revealed Not To Be Real

Women everywhere were devastated this past week to learn that Wonder Woman is a fictional character and has never existed. While creating a box office sensation this past week and exceeding expectations as far as worldwide earnings, the film created minor shockwaves when the writers, all of whom are men, revealed the character is a work of fiction. We talked to the writers of the film in a group setting, who for obvious reasons, wanted to stay anonymous so you could not tell who said what, and as a group they were very candid.

Writer one, who we will call “Ed” had this to say. “We basically came up with the concept of ‘Women good, Men bad’ and just wanted to roll with it. We got a little concerned when after a screening, one of our daughters came up to us and said she wanted to grow up to be like Wonder Woman, but we figured it wasn’t a big deal. We clearly figured wrong.”

Writer two, who we will call “Steve” also had concerns but was surprised as the week progressed how women reacted to the movie. “I figured they realized they couldn’t really achieve the things in this work of fiction, and make no mistake, it’s totally fiction, that this woman can do, but when I began to hear grown women actually talking about the significance of this movie and telling eight year olds, they too can be super heroes and do what she can do, I honestly had to pull some of them aside and explain we used a bunch of stuff like special effects, poetic license, etc. to make this movie. They didn’t want to hear it. They would just start screaming at me about a woman director, and this shows how a woman can be a big box office draw and so on and so forth. I mean, what could I say? Then Zack… oops! Sorry, shouldn’t have said his name…I mean uh… ‘Charlie‘…stepped in and had to calm her down.

‘Charlie/Zack’, the most blunt and candid of the group had this to say. “After calming the woman down, I tried to explain to her that while we were flattered she liked the movie, she shouldn’t go crazy over this and we were juts following the rules. At first I wanted to find a way to not have men in the film, but the studio was hesitant. I started off all right having the women formed from clay and the God Zeus bringing them to life, so I was on a roll as far as that was concerned, but we needed bad guys, and by guys, I mean guys. So, if we were going to have men in it we decided in the writers’ room that every male character in the film needs to be weak, a drunk, and a buffoon or just straight up evil.

I wanted to stick with the ‘Men aren’t necessary’ on earth concept, and ‘All war is because of men’ theme because I knew the ladies would eat that up and oh boy did they! I even had Diana basically say it in a scene, and get in the old ‘men can’t satisfy a woman’ line in. Classic! “

The writers revealed however that problems arose with the lead male character played by Chris Pine. They acknowledged that he would have to be likeable and have positive traits and that posed an initial problem. Ed discussed the issue. “I knew as long as he came off way weaker than Wonder Woman we’d be ok, but we wanted to make sure that if there was going to be this one positive role model, we had an out. So, we knew there was no way we were going to let this guy live, I mean what man deserves to live right? So the question was how were we going to kill him? We figured, and sorry for the spoiler alert if you haven’t seen it, killing himself was the most cowardly way to do it, but at the same time he kind of did it to save others, blah blah blah… so there you go.”

When asked if the writers had any female input into the film, they looked quizzically at me and asked if I was serious. When I explained to them that I was, two of them bowled over laughing and finally just said, “Uh, no, and if you’ll excuse me I need to go collect another massive paycheck.” Wonder Woman is playing worldwide in a theater near you.