Words we use matter more than many of us think
The main mistake we make when using words is assuming whoever we talk to has the same frame of reference as we do. Be careful when using words, especially so-called triggering words, because you don’t know how another person’s going to react. Especially if you don’t know that person well. That’s what triggering is. Using a word that is emotionally-charged for the other person but you don’t know it and that can cause serious problems. Your conversation partner is flooded with emotions and images associated with that word or phrase. And then, depending on what kind of associations he or she has, you can expect all sorts of reactions.
If your conversation partner has a mental condition such as BPD (borderline personality disorder), there are words which can cause serious triggering. Abandonment, for example, is one. To non-BPD people, sure, abandonment isn’t a pleasant word, but we get over it and move on. To someone with BPD, abandonment is a terrifying, enraging and unacceptable idea. They will resort to monitoring, stalking, even trying to physically control you, if they think you want to abandon them, particularly if you are their favorite person. Their world revolves around the favorite person. That’s why it’s vital to weigh words carefully around people – and people with certain conditions in particular. Don’t hurt them, support them. When walking into a new setting with people you don’t know, don’t crack jokes like a fool. Understand who you’re dealing with first and what’s acceptable to these people. If you come across deeply devout people you want to do business with and start ”soap-boxing” about abortion, well, bye business deals and you have only yourself to blame. Be perspicacious (yes, I’ve been waiting to use that word, that’s right).
Language shapes how we think about ourselves and the world. It shapes how others see us. The way we speak, the way we sound. Our mannerisms. But accents don’t matter, right? As long as you’re understood. Well, again, context is key. Sometimes, accents don’t matter, sometimes they are vital. When I was working in China, I was asked by my Chinese employer to be (pose as) an American. That was way before all the madness in the US we see now. It was just better capital, better face, and, given how I speak English, it made logical sense. I love playing different roles so of course I said yes. And I was introduced in Mandarin by my Chinese friends as the American. It wasn’t a lie, technically, as part of my family ties go back to the US. I recommend playing different roles, even nationalities, sometimes. It’s fun and you’ll learn a lot about yourself. Don’t be stupid about it, though.
We are not only in the post-truth world. We are also increasingly in the post-meaning world where words get thrown around without understanding and appreciating the gravitas behind them. Like “Nazi,” “genocide” used to be a word that carried a lot of weight. It shocked.
Today, all too many people use words such as genocide as just another debate prompt, without giving it much, if any thought. The consequences are profound. The word that caused international alarm and condemnation isn’t as powerful as it once was. It has also been propagandized. Relativized and weaponized to suit a particular agenda. Co-opted by propaganda of various regimes that twist its meaning to gaslight the naive, the deluded, or just plain dumb, who truly think Ukraine is full of bloodthirsty Nazis and Russia is the victim of Ukrainian crimes and terrorism. Or Israel is the devil and doesn’t deserve to exist, implying all Israelis are targets.
Disinformation spaces, or bubbles, are a harmless nuisance if they affect some guy down at the bar, but things take a deadly turn when top government officials unquestioningly accept the noxious narrative permeating the disinformation bubble. Is it even still a bubble? Seems like it’s the mainstream now. Noxious narratives can lead to violence, even assassinations. Yes, free speech must be defended at all costs, but again – words influence people very differently and you can’t predict how something you say is going to affect people you know, let alone a random person. A word that means little to nothing to you can be a reason for someone to go after you. It’s terrible, and must be condemned – dying for words and opinions you hold dear. Expressing your opinion, no matter how controversial, is fine and welcome, but if you are openly calling for genocide and people are dying because of your vile rhetoric, now, that changes things. As Dexter Morgan aka the Bay Harbor Butcher would say, ”You’re now code-worthy.”
It gets worse with VIPs. When you influence the top government officials to think the way you want them to, they are going to manifest the kind of reality you want them to, regardless of how absurd that reality is. VIPs have the power to do that, and all propagandists understand this. Russian mouthpieces excel in the art of brainwashing foreign VIPs. Some people prefer to live in denial, some are opportunists, and some are deluded into loving the alleged imperial greatness of the enemy.
The phrase Hebrew Hell may mean nothing to you, but it triggers a flood of demeaning and scary memories for someone who escaped that place. In all seriousness, though, take a look at forensic linguistics. Not a good idea to send threatening and seemingly anonymous messages to linguists, especially if they’ve interacted with you in the past. Your language tells a story, you can try to hide it or distort it all you want. Personally, I use trolly and threatening messages as an inspiration for my novel, so again – thanks for the inspiration.
