Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup—Day 14
The World Cup continued inexorably today as the last round of group play matches commenced.
Group B was first on the hit parade as Canada versus Switzerland and Bosnia and Herzegovina versus Qatar were played simultaneously.
Before we discuss the action on the pitch, we need to address the suspect nature of the Qatari team. A significant portion of the team consists of naturalized citizens. Now, upstanding individuals become naturalized citizens for legitimate reasons (e.g., patriotism, genuine affection for the place where one resides) of worthy nations all the time. The Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC), though, seriously doubts that this is the case with the Qatari national football team. Qatar has been known to pay money to all sorts of entities for all sorts of reasons. Is one seriously expected to believe that any sentient person would voluntarily become a naturalized citizen of Qatar out of a sense of genuine affection? Affection for one’s bank account perhaps. Even then, if the Qataris set out to get the best team money can buy, well, they just proved their essential incompetence. For the second consecutive World Cup, the Qatari team has proved that it truly does not belong on soccer’s biggest stage.
In a match that likely decided the U.S.A.’s opponent for the Round of 32, Bosnia exposed Qatar early and then added a second goal before the first hydration break. The Bosnians were not brilliant, as evidenced by their sloth at the back which led to a Qatari score before halftime. Despite that score, the Bosnians proved to have more than enough to dispatch Qatar, 3-1. One supposes that FIFA retains sufficient integrity as to avoid fixing matches for the benefit of Qatar. Qatar has been eliminated. Good riddance.
In the other game, Switzerland proved Canada to be inferior to a competent European team. Canada finished second in their group as a result of running up the score against Qatar. The Swiss cruised to a 2-nil lead before the Canadians managed to get one back. The Canadians remind the ZGWC of how the USMNT has traditionally played: well conditioned; copious running; team spirit; and limited skill. With some luck, they could make the Round of 16. The Swiss, on the other hand, should have a good draw and will be dangerous going forward.
The Group C matches followed with Brazil versus Scotland and Morocco versus Haiti.
Scotland needed–better, was praying for–a scoreless draw against the high flying Brazilians. The Thin Blue Line never materialized. A terrible giveaway at the back in the 7th minute deflated Scottish hopes from Aberdeen to Bannockburn. Vinicius Junior made short work of his chance, and the Brazilians never looked back, winning 3-0. For their part, the Scots have three points and a negative three goal differential. Their fate going forward is hanging by a thread. “It’s a funny ol’ game, Saint,” as they say.
More importantly for the ZGWC, the potential for Lula da Silva showing up at a critical match sporting his keffiyeh moved closer to actuality. It’s six minutes to midnight….
Haiti nearly made the ZGWC’s day with their performance against Morocco. Having already been eliminated and playing for pride, Les Grenadiers drew first blood in the 10th minute. What followed was a superb game of soccer between two hard working sides. The more talented Moroccans ultimately prevailed, 4-2, but Haitian striker Wilson Isidor scored an absolute golazo in the 43rd minute–a goal that his countrymen will long remember.
In the Group A matches, the Czech team was attempting to do something never done before, to wit: beating Mexico in the Azteca in a World Cup group stage match. Without a win, the Czechs would be bounced from the tournament. They made a number of lineup changes and began the game controlling most of the play. However, after halftime, El Tri counter-punched twice and ripped the hearts out of the Czechs. The home team added another goal in stoppage time. The Mexicans have looked okay so far, but not great. Still, they have notched three victories and not surrendered a goal. Not too shabby. The ZGWC had high hopes for the Czechs, but they failed to impress. Not even the Good Soldier Švejk would have helped or so it would seem.
ZGWC’s hopes were further deflated in the 63rd minute of the battle between the directional countries, South Africa and South Korea. Thalepo Maseko of the Bafana Bafana struck in that minute against the flow of play and consequently dimmed the Koreans’ chances of advancing. In finishing second in their group, the South Africans exceeded all expectations–much to the dread of the ZGWC. Hopes persist that a debacle is lurking in their not-too-distant future. As for South Korea, they have consistently failed to have play with any real sense of urgency. Now, they have a long wait ahead of them to see if they will be one of the eight third place teams to qualify for the next round. With three points and a negative one goal differential, they are at least ahead of the Scots. But behind the Bosnians.
Tomorrow’s menu features Curacao versus Ivory Coast and Ecuador versus Germany in Group E action. Ivory Coast should cruise past Curacao, but Ecuador absolutely, positively needs to beat Germany to have any chance to make it to the knockout rounds. Somehow, though, they have to figure out how to score a goal.
Group F takes the stage next with Japan versus Sweden and Tunisia versus Netherlands. Both the Oranje and the Blue Samurai have looked first rate so far in the tournament. Both are tied on points and on goal differential. As such, it will be a contest to see who can score more goals against their opponents tomorrow. One has to favor the Dutch having a better chance to run up the score on the crestfallen Tunisians.
Finally, there is Group D where the U.S. of A. has already clinched first place. They will play the Turks, who have embarrassed themselves and their country with their performance. Here’s to hoping that the Yanks add more to their collective misery. Simultaneously, Paraguay and Australia will be battling it out for second place in the group. Pull for Paraguay.
