Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 17
“I am in blood / Stepp’d in so far that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o’er.”
Or so said a certain dramatic Scottish monarch during the course of his short and tumultuous reign. And long before his national side had been eliminated from going forward in the World Cup.
The Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC), having survived more than two weeks of group play, will continue, similar to MacBeth, in its tedious quest to pontificate on the knockout rounds.
Since the last ZGWC installment, there have been a total of twelve matches. The ZGWC will not review all of these results, but will review how its favored pre-tournament picks performed and make some preliminary picks for the Round of 32.
But first, let’s revel in the agony suffered by the Iranian team and their miserable supporters. Iran finished group play with three draws in Group G–against New Zealand, Belgium, and Egypt. Team Melli had scored three goals and had allowed three goals. They finished third in Group G and had to await the final matches to determine if they would go through as one of the eight third place teams to advance to the Round of 32. As Saturday wore on and match results came in, it all came down to Saturday night’s match between Austria and Algeria. If either of those teams managed to win the match, then Iran would go through at the expense of either Austria or Algeria. In the event of a draw, both Austria and Algeria would advance, and Iran would be eliminated. The lead see-sawed back and forth, but the match settled into a 2-2 tie from the 60th minute onward. The teams sat back and passed the ball without any obvious purpose but running out the clock. No one was taking any chances, not willing to make any mistakes. That was the case until the third minute of stoppage time when the Algerians suddenly played the ball forward, and the dozing Austrian defense allowed former Man City striker Riyan Mahrez to score the apparent winner. Algeria went up 3-2 deep in stoppage time.
In that instant, a sense of complete and utter ecstasy descended on Team Melli and all of its Iranian fans. The Iranians are going through! The Iranians are going through!
That sense of “complete and utter ecstasy” lasted for all of about ninety seconds. Austrian forward Michael Gregoritsch sent a perfect cross back across the face of the Algerian goal for waiting head of Sasa Kalajdzic. An Austrian goal in the sixth minute of stoppage time. 3-3 draw. Iran eliminated. Ha ha. Hasta la vista.
Onto the ZGWC assessment:
Teams that the ZGWC wanted to fail and proceeded to do so: Qatar, Turkey, Tunisia, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Iraq, and Jordan. (History wave her mute adieus to this lot. Good riddance.)
Teams that ZGWC wanted to fail, but are too good at soccer to comply: Mexico, Canada, Brazil, Morocco, Australia, Netherlands, Belgium, Egypt, Spain, France, Norway, Portugal, England, and Croatia.
Team that ZGWC wanted to fail, but overperformed experts’ predictions: South Africa.
Teams favored by the ZGWC who failed to move on: Czech Republic, Haiti, Curaçao, Uruguay, and Panama.
Team that the ZGWC favored and outperformed experts’ predictions: Cape Verde.
ZGWC faves to pull for in the knockout rounds: Paraguay, USA, Ecuador, Argentina, and Colombia.
In brief, the ZGWC’s quick picks for the Round of 32:
Paraguay over Germany; Sweden over France; Canada over South Africa; Netherlands over Morocco.
Portugal-Croatia–pick ‘um; Austria over Spain; USA over Bosnia and Herzegovina; Senegal over Belgium.
Japan over Brazil; Ivory Coast over Norway; Ecuador over Mexico; Congo over England;
Argentina over Cape Verde; Australia-Egypt–pick ‘um; Switzerland over Algeria; Colombia over Ghana.
Looking over how the various continental federations performed, UEFA (Europe) advanced thirteen of its sixteen teams; CAF (Africa) advanced nine of its ten teams; COMNEBOL (South America) advanced five of its six teams; CONCACAF (North America) advanced three of its six teams; and OFC (Oceania) had a single team, New Zealand, and they crapped out. This leaves the AFC (Asia) which bans Israel from its competition. How did they do? Of the nine entrants from Asia, only two are moving on to the knockout rounds: Japan and Australia. And Australia is not exactly in Asia. FIFA should look at how many spots are accorded to Asia and adjust their allotment. A nachtige tag.
For Sunday, there is a single game on the schedule–the Round of 32 match between Canada and South Africa. It is very much the lesser of two evils here. As bad as Canada has been since October 7th, South Africa has immeasurably worse. By finishing second in their group, the Canadians lose their home field advantage and will be forced to play in southern California. Aside from that, they should win. The cheering should be unenthusiastic.
