The Blogs: Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 36

One of the most inconsequential meetings of the English and the French turned out to be one of the most entertaining ever. Not quite as entertaining as the Battle of Agincourt, where a heavily favored French squad dropped a completely winnable contest against a bedraggled and weary English side, but the 6-4 third place match certainly exceeded anyone’s expectations. The English can take some comfort (and a bronze medal) before they return to their utterly dysfunctional home island.

In advance of tomorrow’s final between Argentina and Spain, the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) wanted to review some of its highlights from the last five weeks or so of international competition.

In roughly chronological order, here goes:

The glorious first four matches for the U.S.A. team. They played like no other American team has ever played before in the World Cup. They won more matches and scored more goals than any previous edition of the USMNT. They raised the country’s expectations, and it was a wonderful ride until the Belgians knocked the proverbial snot out of the Yanks in the Round of 16. In the end, though, despite the final humiliation, it was a successful tournament for the U.S.
Victories by Paraguay and Australia over much-reviled Turkey. The Turks put in one of the most disappointing performances of any team in the field of 48. The serial defeats sent the ZGWC to new heights of revelry.
Tiny Curacao holding a 1-1 tie against Germany from the 21st to 38th minutes of their opening match.
Sweden’s 5-1 victory over Tunisia. The enormity of the defeat led to the immediate dismissal of the Tunisian manager.
Cape Verde holding all-powerful Spain to a 0-0 draw.
Argentina dominating Algeria for a 3-0 victory, and Austria beating Jordan 3-1 shortly thereafter
Canada thrashing Qatar, 6-0, in a match that saw two Qatari players draw red cards.
Maccabi Tel Aviv’s Helio Varela scoring the tying goal in Cape Verde’s 2-2 draw with Uruguay.
Ecuador’s 2-1 victory over Germany, featuring a late winning goal.
Senegal 5-0 over Iraq. Not even a speed bump for the Senegalese, who featured Maccabi Haifa’s Abdoulaye Seck in central defense.
The 3-3 draw between Austria and Algeria. For nearly two wondrous minutes at 90’+3′, a 3-2 Algerian lead insured that Iran would qualify for the knockout rounds. The Iranian regime was allowed to dream about what might be in the hallowed Round of 32. The Austrians, through, reached into the Iranian chest and ripped out its heart with a goal of their own at 90’+6′.
Paraguay knocked out Germany on penalties in the Round of 32.
Colombia 1-nil over Ghana.
Norway knocking out Brazil, 2-1, and thereby singlehandedly preventing Lula da Silva from showing off his keffiyeh at a more meaningful round of the tournament.
Argentina’s magnificent comeback from a 2-nil deficit at the hands of the sniveling Egyptians. Argentine goals in the 79th, 83rd, and 90+2 minutes capped off one of the most satisfying matches of the tournament.
France eliminating Morocco, 2-0, in a quarterfinal match where the lesser evil prevailed.
Argentina with two goals in extra time to eliminate Switzerland, 3-1, in the quarterfinals.
Argentina with another two late goals to end England’s dreams and to claim a berth in the finals.

For tomorrow’s final, Spain should–by all the estimates of the soccer experts and their statistical measures–be the clear favorite over the Argentines. Spain has only allowed one goal during the entire tournament. Further, they are a team that will not easily concede possession, even if they have the lead. No one should be surprised if tomorrow’s result is a 2-0 or 3-0 Spanish triumph. A still small voice says, though, that one should not eagerly bet against a team lead by Lionel Messi. ¡Viva la Argentina!