Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 374
To paraphrase Thomas Carlyle once more: History bids her mute adieu to the 2026 World Cup.
When the 2022 World Cup in Qatar concluded, the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) noted the hypocrisy of the world enjoying its soccer in stadiums built on the bones of numerous foreign workers. The Qatar World Cup was conceived with bribery and executed with moral cynicism. That being said, the matches were exciting–which is all the world really cares about. Argentina won that World Cup over the French. For the ZGWC, the then Peronist-led Argentina were scorned, while the Emmanuel Macron-led France were favored. Naturally, in 2022, Macron still retained some integrity. All-in-all, the ZGWC left the 2022 with a sour taste in its mouth.
The ZGWC will compare the the 2022 World Cup experience with that of 2026, but first let’s review today’s final.
Never before in ZGWC history has there been such a convergence of a team with real potential to win and a team representing a country with a pro-Israel foreign policy. In this World Cup, Argentina occupied a unique position. The Albiceleste progressed through the knockout rounds with one dramatic victory after another. Late goals were the order of the day, as were Lionel Messi-orchestrated heroics. This worked until the Argentines came smack up against the Spaniards. If the Argentines were expecting a repeat of their 1813 victory against the Spanish empire in their fight for independence, they were soon to discover that the current Spanish squad was much better prepared and motivated than the 1813 version.
As for Spain, the ZGWC must note the obnoxious aspects of the last, say, 700 years of Spanish history combined with the outrageous aspects of contemporary Spanish foreign policy. That being said, the ZGWC must also acknowledge the quality of the Spanish team. They conceded a single goal during the entire World Cup. The Spaniards never let the Argentines into the game in the final; never gave the Argentines space to operate. They dominated the midfield and dominated possession. As much as their country sucks (technical foreign policy term), La Roja were the deserved winners of the World Cup. Let’s hope none of the players wave a Palestinian flag in their celebrations. Certainly, Hamas supporters across the globe are cheering the Spanish triumph.
Aside from the final insult, on balance, the ZGWC ranks the 2026 World Cup to be a positive experience. After October 7th, there were truly not many countries which could be supported. Despite this hurdle, four teams heavily endorsed by the ZGWC made it to the Round of 16, to wit: Argentina, Colombia, Paraguay, and U.S.A. Moreover, numerous countries with risible foreign policies encountered failure and humiliation, including Turkey, Qatar, Jordan, Brazil, Tunisia, Iran, Saudi Arabia, and Portugal. Egypt had an outstanding tournament until they failed on a massive stage, blowing their 2-nil lead over Argentina in the last fifteen minutes of their knockout round match and bringing perpetual shame down on their heads. Morocco made it to the quarterfinals, and played well in doing so, but they lost the opportunity to carry the hopes of the Arab Street into the semifinals. Good riddance.
The United States proved to be an outstanding host for the event. Foreigners who were dependent on their national medias’ perceptions of America were surprised to find that the U.S.A is not a cesspool of dysfunction and xenophobic hysteria. Foreigners found the U.S. to be air conditioned, hospitable, and chock full of consumer purchasing options. Moreover, Americans woke up to discover that they, indeed, live in a soccer country. Of sorts.
The ZGWC will now look forward to the 2030 World Cup, which is set to be hosted in…wait for it…Morocco, Portugal, and Spain. (Along with three matches to be played in Argentina, Paraguay, and Uruguay.) The ZGWC urges its reader(s) to brush up on the Almohads, the Reconquista, 1391, 1492, 1496, 1497, the Spanish Inquisition, and Francisco Franco, among other historical obscenities. The ZGWC turns its focus back to the Blue and White and their prospects for qualifying for the next World Cup. Here’s to hoping that the American Jewish sports fans who still thumb their collective noses at international football will come to accept such names as Oscar Gloukh, Daniel Peretz, Anan Khalaili, and Manor Solomon as household words as Israel strives once more to qualify for the world’s most important sporting event.
Dear Reader(s), the ZGWC thanks you for your time, your indulgence, and your kind words. Happy trails.
