Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup—Day 4
Tom Stoppard’s monumental play “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead” opens with the scene of the title characters flipping coins. No matter how many times the coins are flipped, they always come up heads. The play into which they are thrust without any real sense of their purpose always ends the same. Always executed in England; it never ends any differently.
Similarly, no matter how many times the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) tries to rationalize contemporary Germany’s relationship with Israel and its attempts to reconcile the historical debt imposed by the Shoah, the result is invariably the same. The ZGWC finds it impossible to cheer for the Mannschaft. Even one ignores the fact that the current German national anthem has the same tune as the earlier iteration entitled “Deutschland Über Alles,” the truly multi-ethnic team which lines up to sing it before matches is, invariably, Judenrein. Hence, Livano Comenencia’s 21st minute equalizer was received with great joy by the ZGWC. Alas, it was not enough, as the Germans went ahead and scored six more goals on plucky Curaçao, the smallest country ever to compete in the World Cup. Perhaps, Curaçao could do with a little lebensraum.
Sunday’s second match featured the Netherlands and Japan, and visions of the 1942 Battle of the Java Sea floated up from the depths of ZGWC’s memory. The Japanese won that round, 5-nil. The Dutch were better equipped this time around and were favored. The Japanese, though, were disciplined and organized, as usual. The match proved to be exciting and well played on both ends. Twice the Oranje took the lead, and twice the Blue Samurai equalized. The match ended 2-2, and the Dutch quest for the tournament championship encountered rough seas. How do you say, “You sunk my battleship” in Dutch?
The third match at first glance seemed like a replay of the second match, at least as far as the uniforms were concerned. Ivory Coast sported a slightly different shades of orange than the Dutch. For their part, Ecuador wore white shorts similar to Japan and the former’s jerseys were a darker shade of blue. It proved to be a spirited affair and seemed destined to end in a scoreless draw until Ivory Coast substitute Amad Diallo scored the winner in the 90th minute. Both sides were plagued by bouncing shots off of the crossbar. Twice in the case of Ecuador to the great consternation of the Ecuadoran faithful and the ZGWC. Ecuador’s quest to be the tournament dark horse favorite is now postponed indefinitely.
The day’s action concluded as the dour Swedes took care of business against the largely toothless Tunisians. The fact that Tunisian fans could be seen in the stadium waving Palestinian flags did not do anything to make the ZGWC feel sorry for the so-called Eagles of Carthage as they were manhandled by the Swedes. For what it is worth, about half the Tunisian team did not sing their national anthem.
Tomorrow’s slate of action begins with Spain taking on tournament debutants Cape Verde. Cheer for the newcomers, but don’t expect much against the powerhouse Spaniards.
There’s an old joke that if one were a Pole with a rifle in a village in Poland in September 1939, and the German Army is invading from the west and the Red Army is invading from the east, who does one shoot at first and why? The answer: one shoots at the Germans first–-business before pleasure. Such is the case with the Belgium-Egypt match. The ZGWC recommends pulling for Egypt to lose. Business before pleasure. The Belgians’ time will come soon enough.
Uruguay and Saudi Arabia are up next. This is a no-brainer. La Celeste should score early and often to bury the Green Falcons.
The day concludes with New Zealand and Iran. Unless the members of Team Melli are prepared to defect and find sanctuary in the San Fernando Valley, the choice has to be New Zealand. The All Whites may very well be outgunned, but anything can happen in these matches. And usually does.