Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup—Day 6
For all of the recent demonization of “settler colonialism” in recent years, no sportscasters or commentators or other know-it-alls seemed to remember this blight on human existence when it came to today’s France-Senegal match. France, as the former colonial occupier of Senegal, was heavily favored going into the match. France has so much depth that the players on Les Bleus’ bench would be a tournament favorite if they were allowed to form their own separate team. The brave Lions of Teranga, though, showed no fear against their former oppressors as they had the better run of play in the first half. Both sides displayed ample talent, and the score was nil-nil at the half. At halftime, however, it is rumored that a Third World Studies professor from nearby Columbia University (rumor started by the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC)) showed up in the Senegal locker room to review Franz Fanon with them and to emphasize the liberating exhilaration of being traumatized by colonialist exploitation. Carrying this consciousness of their victimhood status back onto the pitch, Senegal proceeded to lose 3-1.
The second game featured another installment of The Crusades ‘26 (see ZGWC Day 5 for more information) with Iraq taking on Erling And The Ten Norsemen. The latter team is sometimes referred to as “Norway,” but who are we kidding? After yesterday’s stalemate in the epochal contest between Christendom and Muslim countries, similar to Bohemond and his Sicilian Normans in the First Crusade, the Norseman tipped the scales in favor of Christendom as they downed the hard-working Lions of Mesopotamia, 4-1. Truth be told, the Iraqis played better as a team than their Norwegian foes, the lopsided score notwithstanding. It was also heartening to see the fruits of Iraqi democracy at work as evidenced by the variety of facial hair displayed by the Iraqi players. Some were even clean shaven. During the dark days of the rule of Saddam Hussein, the Iraqi players were required to sport a mustache in the style of their totalitarian dictator. Progress.
The next installment of The Crusades ’26 ensued with Algeria going up against the defending champion Argentina. The Algerians proved to be little more than a speed bump for Lionel Messi and his band of merry tattooed Argentines. Their leader scored a hat trick, while The Greens squandered what few chances they had. The ZGWC was overjoyed.
The day finished with Austria going up against Jordan. Aside from the opening minutes, the ZGWC opted for sleep over witnessing the day’s final episode of The Crusades. (Look for snide comments about this match in tomorrow’s installment.)
Tomorrow’s matches kick off with the Democratic Republic of Congo squaring off against powerhouse Portugal. The Leopard do not have much going for them on paper against the Portuguese, but they will have the support of the ZGWC. For what that is worth….
Next, England will debut against Croatia in a clash of would-be Titans. The ZGWC will be cheering for a nil-nil draw.
Panama will be the solid ZGWC favorite in their match against Ghana. However, Black Stars, do not fret as the ZGWC will favor you in your remaining group matches.
Lastly, Uzbekistan will take on Colombia. The White Wolves of Uzbekistan will be favored. Los Cafeteros will have to await the second round of the Colombian presidential elections on 21 June to see if they will garner ZGWC support. Until that time: Go Uzbeks.
