Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup—Day 7
Some may find watching a soccer match to be an exercise in pain as they watch very talented and conditioned athletes frustrate themselves repeatedly trying to get a ball to go where they want. And there’s the flopping. But the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) has benefited from watching matches and learned many things about the world. For instance, yesterday’s late night match between Austria and Jordan revealed one positive quality about the Hashemite Kingdom which is unrelated to soccer. The Jordanian national anthem is all of thirty-seven seconds long. It starts with the lyric “G-d save the King,” and goes downhill from there. At thirty-seven seconds, though, it’s all good. Despite their appealing national anthem, the Jordanians fell to the better-credentialed Austrian side, 3-1. The match was closer than the final score indicated.
Today started out favorably for the ZGWC as the Democratic Republic of the Congo fought highly regarded Portugal to a 1-1 draw. The controversy for the Portugese is that they kept Cristano Ronaldo in the game, when they probably could have scored more goals without him.
Hopes for a lackluster, morale-deflating nil-nil draw between England and Croatia came to naught as the two disfavored squads put on an exciting display of offensive football. The Three Lions prevailed 4-2 in what was one of the most entertaining games of the tournament thus far. Since both teams could not lose, the Croatian loss will have to suffice for now.
One of the ZGWC’s most favored sides, Panama suffered a painful loss in their opening match. Ghana broke through in the fifth minute of stoppage time to win 1-0. In losing this match, Panama lost their best opportunity to accumulate points and qualify for the knockout rounds. Upcoming matches against England and Croatia will only be harder. Speaking of national anthems, no team has sung their anthem as loudly and spiritedly as the Panamanians. Even their Danish coach Thomas Christiansen was belting it out.
Colombia was leading slightly favored Uzbekistan 2-1 in the 76th minute, when the ZGWC reached its saturation point.
At this point, every team has had its tournament debut. For the ZGWC, victories by the USA, Argentina, and Austria were highlights, as were ties by Cape Verde, New Zealand, and DR Congo.
Tomorrow Groups A and B are back in action and here is your cheering guide:
Czech Republic over South Africa. The Czechs need to run up the score if possible.
Switzerland versus Bosnia and Herzegovina: pick ‘um.
Canada will be favored in this one instance to beat Qatar. The Canucks also need to run us up the score if possible.
Lastly, Mexico takes on South Korea in the most anticipated match of the day. Cheer for the ROK.
