Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup–Day 8
Thus far, many of the teams frowned upon by the Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) have, frankly, done okay in the tournament. Qatar, for instance, scored a stoppage time goal in their opener to force a tie with a far superior–technically, ontologically, etc.–Swiss team. Karma, though, descended on the Maroon One today in their match against Canada in a big way. Now Canada should have its own karma issues to deal with so far as the ZGWC is concerned, but in a contest with the team representing Qatar, well, few things could have been sweeter than the complete 6-0 humiliation the Qataris suffered today. And don’t forget the two red cards and the brutal injury inflicted on Canadian midfielder Ismael Koné. The Qataris played like true representatives of their country’s government–thuggish and overrated. Qatar has one more game and, hopefully, even more opportunity for humiliation.
The day started with another disappointing performance by the Czech squad–this time against the mediocre-at-best South Africans. The Repre struck first in the 6th minute, but then became largely passive. As the game wore on, the South Africans had more possession, and more possession around the Czech goal. This pattern ultimately led to a handball call in the box against the Czechs, and the South Africans scored on the ensuing penalty kick. The match ended in a 1-1 draw.
A Central European knife fight ensued in the next game as the Swiss clashed with Bosnia and Herzegovina. The match was scoreless until the 74th minute when Switzerland broke through with a goal. The goal opened up the Bosnians, and the Swiss–who were frustrated by the Qataris in the opener–struck again in the 84th and 90th minutes. The final score was 4-1, a fitting reward for those who had snoozed through the first 73 minutes of the match.
The day ended with the ZGWC hoping for the Taeguk Warriors of South Korea to take it to Mexico. The stoic, disciplined Koreans seemed to be the ideal candidate to best El Tri in front of the boisterous Guadalajara stadium crowd. It was not to be, though. The South Koreans were oddly passive, controlling the ball in their own half for long stretches of the first half. A freak goal off of a 50th minute mistake by the Korean goalkeeper gifted the Mexicans the winning goal, and that was all that was needed. The Mexicans did not give the Koreans space and ran out the clock on the ROK. Mexico will win Group A, and the ZGWC is discontent.
Tomorrow starts off with the United States going up against Australia. The events in the war with Iran and various comments by a certain American vice president notwithstanding, the ZGWC is still pulling for the Yanks. All the more so against the Australians.
The Tartan Army of Scotland, along with the beer-consuming fans, will take on Morocco. While the ZGWC is leery of the Scottish National Party, the Scots will be favored over the Atlas Lions. To quote Robert Burns “for a’ that and a’ that.”
The ZGWC will be hoping against (all) hope that Haiti will get a result against Brazil in the third match of the day. A nachtige tag as they say.
Lastly, one of the most important matches of the day will take place in Santa Clara as Paraguay hopes to continue Turkey’s World Cup ordeal. While Paraguay lost 4-1 to a sparkling US squad, the favored Turks lost 2-nil to Australia. Many predicted Turkey to win the Group D. If the Paraguayans play as they are capable of, they could pretty much end Turkey’s World Cup tomorrow evening. Take that, Erdogan.