Zionist’s Guide to World Cup–Day 10
The United States is a large and strange country. The country’s relationship with soccer is convoluted. There are those on the conservative wing of the American polity who view soccer as the first step towards the Euro-trash invasion of America. There are many baseball egg-heads from blue state urban areas who discount the possibility of the U.S. ever becoming a “soccer nation.” There are the advertising folks who trot out in World Cup years the same trite, condescending ads about soccer and its relationship with more “American” sports. There are the mainstream sports talking heads who ignore U.S. soccer for four years until the World Cup, and then insult it and belittle it as much as they can. The truth is none of these people know what they are talking about.
For anyone watching the pre-game show for Friday’s U.S.-Australia match, the sight of thousands of rabid American fans–clad in red, white, and blue–chanting and singing should be sufficient confirmation that the U.S. is a “soccer nation,” whatever that means.
There are some leftist Americans who are not cheering for American because of the country’s current president. Imagine cheering against a particular soccer team because one objects to that country’s current government. The Zionist’s Guide to the World Cup (ZGWC) cannot imagine any comparison between its predilections and the choices of the aforementioned leftist Americans.
Speaking of leftist and American soccer, members of the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team, Megan Rapinoe and her ilk, have been known to take a knee during or not sing the Star Spangled Banner in protest to the country they represent. In doing so, they alienate potential supporters amongst the patriotic American sporting fan base. Conversely, if American midfielder Malik Tillman does not sing the national anthem, it is only because he was raised in Germany and does not know the lyrics. No political statement there.
Speaking of Tillman, he has been brilliant through the first two games. The U.S. downed Australia, 2-0, on Friday afternoon. The Yanks managed the game without drama and claimed its first clean sheet since January 2025. They were missing Christian Pulisic because of injury, and their play dropped off in the second half. Still, the team displayed professionalism and took care of business in beating a tough, but lesser team.
Led by figures like David Hume and Adam Smith, Scotland may have invented the modern world. Unfortunately, they apparently did not learn to defend in the first minute of their soccer matches. Morocco scored about ninety seconds into their match and then held off the Tartan Army for the ensuing 88+ minutes. The Atlas Lions earned three points, while the Scots will need to employ tenacious defense and hope for a draw in their final group match against Brazil.
The Brazilians claimed their first victory of the tournament at the expense of the hard-working squad from Haiti. The loss ended Haiti’s World Cup dreams. Brazil moved to the top of Group C, and the prospect of Lula da Silva showing up at a critical World Cup match wearing a keffiyeh becomes more likely.
The last match of the day delivered the best news for the ZGWC (news delayed by at least twelve hours and provided by the shul maintenance supervisor). Matias Galarza of the MLS’ Atlanta United scored a second minute strike to put Paraguay up 1-nil over the squad representing the much-reviled Turkey. In the third minute of first half stoppage time, Paraguayan attacking midfielder Miguel Almiron received a straight red card. His offense: he delivered some sort obscene insult to Mert Müldür with his hand covering his mouth. That’s a no-no in contemporary football. Playing a man down for the entire second half, the Paraguayans stymied the Turks again and again. The match ended with the 1-nil scoreline intact. In doing so, it ended any chance of advancement for the Turks. The USA will win Group D, and Recep Tayyip Erdogan is–at this very moment–suffering untold consternation.
Not many people remember the Swedish-Dutch War of 1657-1660. Similarly, not many people will remember Saturday’s Netherlands match against Sweden. The Dutch won 5-1 and saw both Brian Brobbey and Cody Gakpo score braces. While the Swedish-Dutch War was not as lopsided, the Dutch won that one, as well.
The day’s remaining matches saw Germany score a stoppage time winner to down the excellent Ivory Coast squad, 2-1. Curacao became one the tournament’s darlings as they notched a historic 0-0 tie* against Ecuador. Ecuador was one of the ZGWC’s pre-tournament favorites. Unfortunately, they do not seem to be able to score goals. In the day’s final match, Japan was leading Tunisia 2-0 after the first half hour. The Tunisians fired their coach after their embarrassing opener against Sweden. Pity poor Hervé Renard, the newly appointed coach. Or not.
(*Please note: the soccer skeptics described in the first paragraph of this blog just giggle amongst themselves when the phrase “historic 0-0 tie” can be employed with a straight face by soccer enthusiasts.)
Sunday’s game feature Spain and Saudi Arabia in a match that the ZGWC will be pulling for the Saudis to embarrass the Spaniards even more than they already have been by Cape Verde.
In another match of two despised teams, the ZGWC will be supporting the Belgians over Team Melli of Iran.
Uruguay will be taking on current tournament darlings Cape Verde. Uruguay will be looking to take first place in Group H, and the ZGWC will be hoping that they do so.
New Zealand takes on Egypt in the day’s final match, and the ZGWC will be looking for the All Whites to frustrate another higher rated team.
