US Secretary of State John Kerry arrives in Israel for a previous visit, September 2013. (photo credit: Matty Stern/US Embassy Tel Aviv/Flash90)

US Secretary of State John Kerry arrives in Israel for a previous visit, September 2013. (photo credit: Matty Stern/US Embassy Tel Aviv/Flash90)

This just in: Secretary of State John Kerry is making his ninth trip to the region. 

Is bringing peace to the Middle East the only reason for his frequent visits?

Or are there other factors weighing in… Such as: 

1. He wants to keep his Platinum Status on his Frequent Flyer Miles.

2. He lost his special autograph pen in the Mukata.

3. He is looking for Israeli start-ups to invest in on the side to diversify his portfolio.

4. Talking to Hamas is way easier than talking to House Republicans.

5. People eat Osem Ketchup? That is just not acceptable.

6. It’s up to him to visit: Bibi has very clear budget limitations that prevent him from traveling.

7. Obama told him to keep away from Denmark.

8. He can’t remember if he turned off the oven and locked the door when he left last time.

9. He wants to try Sara Netanyahu’s recipe for Yellowcake.

10. Winter is a great time of year to shoot (nuclear) ducks.

11. Because he couldn’t find three wise men (or a virgin) in DC for Christmas, so he figured he’d try to find them here.

12. He may need to negotiate a truce between Gal Gadot and Bar Refaeli.

13. Because these trips have obviously worked so well in the past.

14. He and Bibi are filming a Robin Thicke parody to Blurred Lines called #RedLines.

15. He’ll do anything to avoid negotiating with Syria.