Mort Laitner

Accentuate the Positive

The sun bakes my Honda as if it intends to kill every coronavirus hiding in the vehicle.

I think, “Nature solving problems, pretty cool.”

I open the windows.

I turn on the air.

I tune into on my favorite “oldies” station.

Bing Crosby & The Andrew Sisters sing:

To illustrate his last remark
Jonah in the whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
Just when everything looked so dark

Man, they said we better, accentuate the positive
Eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
No, do not mess with Mister In-Between
Do you hear me?

My open hands ask,

“But how do I accentuate the positive during this pandemic?

How do I latch on to affirmative when life sucks?

And who the hell is this Mister In-Between?”

Just listen to number news:

The numbers of sick, dead and dying;

The numbers of ICU beds left;

The numbers of people sheltering-in-place.

Pretty scary numbers.

Then out of thin air, some Yiddisher rapper named, Mister In-Between, interrupts Bing’s tune:

Boychick, things could be vorse.

So I do not want to hear you curse.

You certainly ain’t no young kid,

but luckily you ain’t got Covid.

You ain’t lying in some ICU bed,

so stop your meshugenah dread.

You got the cable in your home,

 I don’t want to hear you groan.

You got plenty of masks,

to wear on your tasks.

Bubeleh, you got toilet paper by the box,

and in the fridge a bissel of lox.

You ain’t stuck in a whale,

or in a ark during a gale.

Vhat did Noah and Jonah say when everything went dark,

“Schmuck, life ain’t suppose to be a joyride in the park.”

Things vill get besser, so stop your bitchin,’

Get  your pie hole outta the kitchen.

Aliz gut so don’t worry, be happy.

Time to go to bed and take a long nappy.

Stop bein’  such a pain in the tucchus or the ass,

Ya know what they say, “This too shall pass.”

Count your blessing and remember my advice,

 Don’t mess with Mister In-Between
Do you hear me?

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. ChatGPT says, Mort is known for his works that often explore themes of love, loss, and the human connection. Laitner has published several books , including “A Hebraic Obsession.” His writing style is characterized by its emotional depth and introspection. Laitner’s works have garnered praise for their heartfelt expression and keen insight into the human experience.
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