Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Anger, the silent and not so silent killer

Anger is a silent killer because, even if you pretend that you’re not angry, it will hasten your death. The solution is not to stop pretending and let everyone know how (angry) you feel. The solution is not to make yourself angry.

Now to the receiving end. In many languages, it is possible to say ‘you made me angry.’ The truth is that only we can make ourselves angry. That doesn’t exonerate anyone, on purpose, tries to anger or hurt others — so to speak. That all anger is generated by ourselves should also not be used to make us (feel) guilty about past anger outbursts. But it can be utilized to give us a sense of power about future invitations to explode.

If someone called you a green lightbulb, you wouldn’t get angry. So why should you get all excited about anything else you’d be called? That’s the meaning of “Sticks and stones Can break your bones But words can never hurt me.” That doesn’t give a bully (spouse, parent, classmate) a license to try to hurt others with words. They are cowards because they always target people who feel weak or don’t have enough support. But already when you don’t have enough defense, you can laugh about it inside. Learn, step for step, not to believe any of it. If you believe it and don’t resist, someone’s anger can kill you silently.

And a lot of the world’s anger is silently present. The carriers pretend to be calm but they are not. Also that is a killer. Such people can be riled up and manipulated into mass attacks of hatred. We need to free ourselves from all inner anger to end people getting hurt.

We make ourselves angry by saying things to ourselves, like: he did that on purpose, he is clearly against me, etc.

Alternatives

Instead of making ourselves angry, we can say to ourselves things like:

It was meant to be.

He didn’t mean to hurt me.

He is hurting about this.

This is only temporally.

It could have been worse.

Not all is lost.

He’s pointing one finger at me and three at himself.

Advantages of not getting angry

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be humble.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be happy.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to be jealous.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to be disappointed.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to have good friends.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to feel fortunate.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be relaxed.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to smile.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to feel for someone.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to shut up and listen.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to walk away.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be patient.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to judge harshly.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to find time to play.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to find playmates.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to think straight.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be flexible.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to love.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to cry.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be generous.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to ask friendly.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to feel real power.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to become an activist.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to apologize.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to make tasteful jokes.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to hurt or murder.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to receive.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to trust.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be honest.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be optimistic.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to feel too guilty.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to repent.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to get angry.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to die before your time.

If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to make short lists.

About the Author
The author is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (DES - Diethylstilbestrol), born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a vegan for 8 years now. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach and lehavdiel bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, GLBTQAI, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quit a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500st blog post with the ToI. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. To see other blog posts by him, a second blog - under construction - can be found by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture.
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