Anger is a silent killer because, even if you pretend that you’re not angry, it will hasten your death. The solution is not to stop pretending and let everyone know how (angry) you feel. The solution is not to make yourself angry.
Now to the receiving end. In many languages, it is possible to say ‘you made me angry.’ The truth is that only we can make ourselves angry. That doesn’t exonerate anyone, on purpose, tries to anger or hurt others — so to speak. That all anger is generated by ourselves should also not be used to make us (feel) guilty about past anger outbursts. But it can be utilized to give us a sense of power about future invitations to explode.
If someone called you a green lightbulb, you wouldn’t get angry. So why should you get all excited about anything else you’d be called? That’s the meaning of “Sticks and stones Can break your bones But words can never hurt me.” That doesn’t give a bully (spouse, parent, classmate) a license to try to hurt others with words. They are cowards because they always target people who feel weak or don’t have enough support. But already when you don’t have enough defense, you can laugh about it inside. Learn, step for step, not to believe any of it. If you believe it and don’t resist, someone’s anger can kill you silently.
And a lot of the world’s anger is silently present. The carriers pretend to be calm but they are not. Also that is a killer. Such people can be riled up and manipulated into mass attacks of hatred. We need to free ourselves from all inner anger to end people getting hurt.
We make ourselves angry by saying things to ourselves, like: he did that on purpose, he is clearly against me, etc.
Alternatives
Instead of making ourselves angry, we can say to ourselves things like:
It was meant to be.
He didn’t mean to hurt me.
He is hurting about this.
This is only temporally.
It could have been worse.
Not all is lost.
He’s pointing one finger at me and three at himself.
Advantages of not getting angry
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be humble.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be happy.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to be jealous.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to be disappointed.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to have good friends.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to feel fortunate.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be relaxed.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to smile.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to feel for someone.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to shut up and listen.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to walk away.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be patient.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to judge harshly.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to find time to play.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to find playmates.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to think straight.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be flexible.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to love.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to cry.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be generous.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to ask friendly.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to feel real power.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to become an activist.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to apologize.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to make tasteful jokes.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to hurt or murder.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to receive.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to trust.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be honest.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to be optimistic.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to feel too guilty.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to repent.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to get angry.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy not to die before your time.
If you banished anger from your mind, it’s easy to make short lists.
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. *
As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. *
This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2000 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog, to which one may subscribe too, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. *
Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. *
Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. *
Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. *
He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. *
He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. *
He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. *
His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. *
To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. *
His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1