Anti Semitic Fatigue, is Real. A Recipe and a Prayer for Coping

Anti Semitic Fatigue is real. I am beginning to believe this is a real mental health crisis.  Last week was awful, many of us cried and continue to grieve with the families of the hostages and all of Israel. Grief is exhausting. So many of you experience way more hate and antisemitism than I do online. I don’t know how you do it. The response to Israel at war by the world, has been shocking, misinformed, and devastating. It’s the permission slip for all the Jewish hatred to come to the surface, and it really hurts. That’s exactly what ” they” want.

There are days when” I only want to talk to fellow Jews kind of  days.” Does this sound familiar? Are you not exhausted almost a year later ? I know I am. And why do these conversations still get to me? The hate bothers me to no end, because there is no end to the hate.

I was walking through my local Kroger this morning, feeling physically exhausted, and then the phone rang.  It was my non Jewish ex husband calling for a catch up. ( yes we are good friends) ” I’m so tired I tell him. But I slept well, what could it be ?” I think its mental and emotional.  Its the exhausting  conversations I had over the weekend with people whom I thought knew better. He agrees, and goes on to tell me someone accused him of being a Zionist when he defends Israel.  I say, “That is a compliment!”

I messaged over the weekend with a dear friend in France who is having a lot of health issues, and  is on the autism spectrum. She asks me about the ” deaths” and how was I doing. ” You mean the executions.” I respond. This turned into a Israel bashing.” It’s  not anti Jewish.” she goes on to say, but more anti Zionist.  There is no point to arguing even though I did. She even went on to say that the Palestinian people have the right to react, but admitted what Hamas did was wrong. In the same sentence ” ending Hamas is not the answer”  So what is?  This is a stopping point. I am tired. It stays with me all day, all weekend.  Although we wished each other well, my empathy for her illness outweighed my anger. I cannot bear to have angry words with someone whom I know is in a devastating illness. Its exhausting for us both.   That’s the “Rachmones” ( compassion, mercy in Yiddish) I was raised with. Another friend said she probably reads Al Jazeera. Highly possible.  An Israeli friend assures me, they are only repeating what they hear.

I think I’m explaining to people, but one friend pointed out to me, explaining is like proving. She is right.  Sometimes it’s the people you least likely expect. I give them far too much credit to understand the nuance of anti Semitism. Its not happening to them. We are tired of proving. 

I commented on a story which is rare for me. I sort of got an “I’m sorry you are all going through this” but still seemed to have some hesitation. ” I have my opinion about Israel but its just an opinion.” Which translates to me as ceasefire now, and maybe she doesn’t have all the facts or wants to know more. People are tired of seeing it. If  they are, how do they think we feel?  I could be wrong but going with my gut on this one. I say” Don’t believe what you read in the mainstream news.”  But as usual, if it doesn’t affect them, they believe what they read/hear or are just not that interested. She was cordial, and not a close friend.

These are people I know.  But do I?  Do you really know your friends? Most people especially online are on the peripheral, even if we’ve met. Be vigilant with who you talk to. Protect your energy.

And then a glimmer of hope. My friend who used to own a Black radio station messages me to check in, and told me how he cried during Rachels eulogy to Hersh. He says he will write a condolence on the families page.  In that emotional moment, I feel our people are finally seen, even if its one person. It matters.

The physical and emotional fatigue is real. To those who respond to the tropes, the trolls, and just to regular people, here is my recipe:

Ingredients:

1)Know who you can and cannot talk to.

2)Speak to Jewish friends. (and allies) They will get it, and get you.

3)Speak to a Rabbi or a therapist or both ( I am making an appointment).

3)Soundboard with people you trust. They won’t mind at all. Refer to number 2.

4)Go for a walk, get out in nature.

5)Turn the phone off. ( This one is hard, I’m a news junkie).

6)Whatever self care works best for you, do it, because this is far from over. Stay hydrated.

7) Find something funny to watch, we are great comedians.

8) Get in the kitchen. It’s freakin therapeutic. Bake, make soup anything, just Nourish yourself .

9) Support other Jews. Anyway you can.

Add any one or all ingredients to a large bowl and stir. Serve with a prayer. ” Hashem, Bless you and thank you, for making us your people who love life. King who watches out for our people, Comfort the mourners, give strength and protection to the IDF and all of Israel, and its people in the diaspora, protect us from harm. Keep us safe from hate. It is only you we trust. Amen .