Are we laughing yet?

A Jewish prime minister, a Qatari emir, a Turkish dictator and an American president walk into a – too many Muslims for a bar, right? Okay, they walk into a peace board.

Is it the beginning of a joke, or will the world’s strongman, backed by his buddy the Turkish dictator (though not the worst of them, as we saw last week in Iran), his obscenely wealthy friends in the Arab states and an assortment of wanna-bes manage to do the impossible and force the two sides in this bloody conflict to agree to the next step in making “peace?”

The American president, who has semi-annexed Venezuela and is threatening to annex Greenland (by economic force and gruff charm, alone), who is sending aircraft carriers to the Persian Gulf in a will-they-won’t-they move; the Turkish dictator who has his own repression shtick going, though public hangings are out, incarcerating opponents is in; the Qatari emir who has played both sides of the conflict for personal gain; and the Jewish prime minister who has been accused of crimes ranging from smoking gift cigars to horrid war crimes, who is cynically dragging out a failing, criminal government coalition with bribes and empty promises (yes we need a draft law that includes all young people, wink, wink; no we don’t expect your constituencies to serve, or even to work or pay taxes). They are all walking into a peace board.

Add in a bunch of assorted other despots plus the Indonesian leader. Even that quintessential warmonger, Putin, is said to be considering joining. On the other hand, France and Canada are out, as are the saner European countries.

These are the people who will be responsible for turning Gaza into a safe, sunny, peaceful, democratic entity. Are we laughing yet?

Who did you expect, Mahatma Ghandi and Mother Theresa?

The Israeli prime minister, true to form, is joining because he does not believe the other side will agree to disarm, and he hopes to either keep dragging things out until his country’s elections in October or to claw some “win” or at least “spin” from this potential loss of face.

The American president tried to get his Nobel Peace prize by bribing this year’s winner, but the prissy Nobel committee pointed out the medal is worthless without their seal of approval. Dang those Swedes! He realizes he might have to get it the hard way – by actually making peace. Gaza seemed like an easier bet than Ukraine, but he’s already finding that even with two tiny entities, both sick of war, getting us to just take the damn peace agreement and thank him is harder than it seems.

The Qataris, Turks and other Arab states are all there, jostling for a chair on the board, because the status is worth a ton of gold medals, and the ads promise them lasting relief from the ongoing headache of Gaza. Israel is objecting to the Turks and Qataris. The Turks were, once upon a time, our good friends, and the Qataris were recently pronounced our friends, at least when members of the Prime Minister’s office were caught taking bribes from Qatar to increase the emir’s influence in such national affairs as hostage negotiations. Now, it seems they might be friends from afar, but we wouldn’t want them strolling around our neighborhood.

We might note, with quiet chuckle, ourselves, that the heads of state agreeing to sit on the peace board are not exactly identical to those who will be sending troops to disarm Hamas and enforce the peace. No one even imagines the sight of Qatari troops in Gaza. And, while we’re at it, let’s get rid of anything that smacks of the United Nations. Basically, it is only the Indonesians who are left in the running.

The Hungarians, Azerbaijanis, etc.? They are looking for a way into the back door of world influence, after being ostracized by marginally more democratic European countries. Plus, they might receive a cut in US tariffs if they play nice.

Who is missing from the board? Gazans, for one. There will be Palestinians, at least when it comes to those actually governing. They will be renamed, for our benefit, “technocrats.” But the fancy plans that have been touted in 3D splendor are not really meant to rebuild Gaza for the Gazans, are they? Is the idea really to build a “little Abu Dhabi” between Egypt and Ashkelon, and bring in the tourists? Can we whip up a shining city of the future, and then plunk down two million traumatized, homeless, hungry people among the gardens, spires and upscale malls?

At the World Economic Summit in Davos, Trump waved his hand at the all-male group sitting stiffly in a row and proclaimed, “I like them all!” Fortunately for him, or the Arab countries’ leaders, Bibi could not make it due to a slight misunderstanding for which he could be arrested if he showed up. Fortunately for Bibi, criminal charges are not an issue, as far as Trump is concerned. Unfortunately for him, Israel’s president Herzog cannot pardon him for crimes tried before the International Court in the Hague. Trump would have invited them all to the White House, but there are those noisy renovations going on. Instead, he turned the Swiss stage into his livingroom, and invited the world to witness his new guest list.

The Israeli commentator told us that Trump is trying to replace the UN (in his image, of course). But I believe we are looking at a new pair ‘o dimes. Less diplomacy, more corporate board. Trump, as CEO, will have full, unbridled veto power. His two advisors, Kushner and Witkoff, come from the world of real estate. If the Gaza peace plan is not exactly a hostile takeover (following our hostile takeover, following their attempt at same), it carries the threat of one. Money, of course, has always been involved in peace negotiations, but this time, the veneer is stripped away and everyone is in it for personal gain. The negotiators? They are seeking out the other side’s weaknesses and putting them to good use.

Joke or hope? Will Hamas be pressured into giving up its arms, Israel into pulling back to the former border? Could this crazy caper just work?

Who will have the last laugh?