Birthdays, Blessings and the Beauty of Life

A close friend passed away recently. I spoke about her in my shul to mark the month, which happened to coincide with my husband’s birthday.

In ״Alice in Wonderland”, The Mad Hatter says that –

“There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might celebrate an un-birthday…and only one for a birthday…”

I was honoured to share my birthday with my high-school friend Sarah. And now, able to share a birthday month with (my husband) Steven (but we’ll get to him.)

The Kabala teaches us that on one’s birthday, we have a particularly strong Mazal and it is traditional to make brachot, special wishes for others, and give tzedaka.  Sarah LOVED birthdays! And she loved brachot and tzedaka!  While she celebrated her Hebrew birthday with her family, we always had that birthday phone call on our shared English date. She liked to double up on celebrating.

“It’s not our un-birthday today!! Happy Birthday!!” And I’d be able to say “Happy Birthday!!”   Thirty-plus years of birthday phone calls.

As often as possible, Sarah would try to daven at the Kotel on our birthdays and would inevitably call me to tell me that she davened for me. In many ways, Sarah’s passing managed to reconnect me to thinking about our daily brachot.

It seems right, with Thanksgiving this past week in particular, to take a moment to appreciate and be thankful. Even when it’s hard to be thankful in current situations.

In Parshat Toldot, we find the (finally) pregnant Rivka, riling in pain, her prayers of motherhood finally answered, calling out to Hashem “אם כן, למה זה אנוכי”?  If you’re finally answering my prayers, why is the pain so great?!! Hashem was giving her all her heart had desired for so long but with such pain attached to it. And we feel such strength and belief still deriving from her while she’s going through such angst. So Hashem reassures Rivka, explaining that she is carrying two nations. וּשְׁנֵ֣י לְאֻמִּ֔ים מִמֵּעַ֖יִךְ יִפָּרֵ֑דוּ, two powers will come out of you. Not only was Hashem answering her wishes, but she was to bear two powerful nations. Soon the pain would come to an end, in childbirth, but sadly, the conflict from within her womb was destined to proceed.

Just like two nations born in this sedra, I find myself thinking of my birthday twin.               In the end, one of the other things we happened to share was that we were taking the same medicines… Her for her Cancer, Me for infertility. Both saying our different brachot for one another.

And throughout the whole time, what I learned most from Sarah was always to see the positive and make the most of everything in life. See the positive in people, in places, in situations.

A fun day out with good friends (Sarah is the one in the middle)

Our midrash looks closely at Yitzchak’s ability to “see” the positive in an otherwise wayward son, Eisav. His inability to physically see, ultimately giving him deeper insight. Giving him the ability to find a suitable blessing for Eisav as well, once he realizes that he’s blessed the wrong son. There’s the commentary that says that the angel’s tears during the akeida made his “eyes dim” later, וַתִּכְהֶ֥יןָ עֵינָ֖יו מֵֽרְאֹ֑ת so as not to see Eisav’s full character.

The Radak looks at it differently, and says, that it’s precisely due to any downfalls that he bestows the blessings that he does. And more so now, after Rivka’s deceit, he has the opportunity to direct his blessings towards Eisav’s needs and desires. הִנֵּ֞ה מִשְׁמַנֵּ֤י הָאָ֨רֶץ֙ יִֽהְיֶ֣ה מֽוֹשָׁבֶ֔ךָ וּמִטַּ֥ל הַשָּׁמַ֖יִם מֵעָֽל  (and we won’t go into the rest…)

But, it was Yitzchak’s blindness from the akeida, which made him hypersensitive, to be able to “see” people’s needs or recognize their soul from within. “Only one who has become a tzadik emet can truly “see” the genuine qualities of each individual” – and be able to bless them with that which they may not see in themselves.

I take from this, that to bless is to recognize and acknowledge.

When we bless god, we recognize the magnitude of his ability to “bring bread from the ground” “המוציא לחם מין הארץ” or “produce fruit from a tree”. We give thanks for “guiding us in the right direction” or “אוזר ישראל בגבורה” Ingraining us amongst other Jews, with strength! In times of distress, We even recognize Hashem’s role in judgment, Baruch Dayan Haemet.

Sarah’s whole life was a testament to the power of connection and gratitude, two values that resonate deeply for me in this parsha. Just as Rivka and Yitzchak’s story reminds us that blessings come along with a variety of challenges. Sarah’s positivity, throughout her own struggles, showed us how to keep blessing others and stay positive, whatever life throws at you.

I think it was during Corona that Sarah started watching cake decorating videos and she took it upon herself to make people birthday cakes. At the gathering for her shloshim just last week, there were tens of pictures of cakes that she had made for other women in her community. She’d say “Make her smile, it’s a piece of cake”                                                  In her zchut, this initiative has become a spreadsheet of birthdays for women to make a fuss of others they may not even know.

By making people feel special, davening at the Kotel on her birthday, and celebrating even small joys, Sarah exemplified the idea that blessings are not just words we utter but acts of recognition, encouragement, and love. Which brings me to…

My Love. As we celebrate this milestone birthday for Steven, I can’t help but reflect on his experiences of facing adversities and coming through with strength and kindness.

Just as Yitzchak’s physical blindness led to a heightened spiritual insight, Steven’sinjury has given him a unique ability to see and appreciate the needs of others. Noticing the little things, he offers profound support and brings love into our family in ways that I am endlessly grateful for.

Steven’s journey, like Sarah’s, reminds us that blessings are often forged in the fires of challenge and adversity. Much of which we’re facing right now. Both of them, teaching us the power of kindness, and the ability to uplift others, even when life feels overwhelming. Yitzchak’s blessings in Parshat Toldot show us that true blessing is not just about what we give but about what we can recognize in others. Seeing the potential and beauty, even when it may not be immediately apparent.

I’d like to bless us all to strive to live with a deeper appreciation and commitment to gratitude. Have the courage to bless others, not only with words but through acts of love, kindness, and understanding.

May we all find the strength to see the hidden blessings in our own lives and to be a source of blessings to those we love.

A big thanks to everyone who came to be with us today (and everyone who’s read this far). Thanks to our whole community for always wrapping us in love and support.                Lastly, thanks to the most important person in our lives, our amazing Amalia, who is the source of our blessings every day.