Breaking News: United Nations Passes The Glass House Resolution

Breaking News: United Nations Passes The Glass House Resolution

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A noble league of world powers—Canada, the United Kingdom, and France have threatened sanctions should Israel persist in its military operations in Gaza to destroy the scourge on humanity that is Hamas.

In an enlightened response, the UNITED NATIONS today passed The Glass House Resolution which provides that any country seeking to impose sanctions on another must first submit itself to an exhaustive United Nations investigation into its own human rights record. The investigation has subpoena powers and its decisions will be enforced by a division of the local Supreme Court. Justice, like charity, begins at home.

Let us consider the proud torchbearers of this new moral order and their selective amnesia:

Canada: Guardian of Multigenerational Trauma

Canada now faces a UN Investigation of its Indigenous People’s residential school system—an officially recognized policy of cultural genocide against Indigenous peoples. Thousands of Indigenous children were removed from their families, subjected to abuse, and, in many cases, never returned. Murdered. Buried on the grounds of the residential schools themselves.

Today, Indigenous communities still lack access to clean drinking water, suffer from disproportionately high incarceration rates, and endure systemic discrimination in healthcare and policing.

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The United Kingdom: Empire in Denial

Britain now faces a UN Investigation over its human rights legacy that includes the Mau Mau torture camps in Kenya, the partition of India that left millions dead or displaced, and systematic abuse during the IRA crisis in Northern Ireland. Domestically, the UN will investigate the Windrush scandal—where legal Caribbean immigrants were wrongfully detained or deported.

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France: Liberté, Égalité, Hypocrisie

The French Republic now faces a UN Investigation of its stand on secularism, especially when it comes to banning hijabs and disproportionately targeting Muslim communities. From its brutal colonial war in Algeria—complete with torture and massacres—to its current treatment of immigrants in places like Calais, France has long demonstrated a unique ability to lecture others on human rights while violating them with moral blindness.

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The Glass House Resolution is adopting the commercial shot-gun approach where one company owner can offer to “buy-out” the other owner’s interest in the company, but on the same terms being offered. The offeror then is forced to accept the same offer that he initiated.

When a nation calls for sanctions, the Glass House Resolution automatically triggers a United Nations investigation of its own internal affairs. Since nations have nothing to hide, surely they have nothing to fear.

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The revamped United Nations requires transparency and symmetry. The resolution states: If a nation’s house is built on tear gas and barbed wire, those who live in glass houses can no longer throw stones.