Choosing Israel Over a US College This Fall

My eldest child, 18 years old, left home last week to move to Israel. Instead of driving or flying her to college, as we had anticipated a year ago, she said her goodbyes to family at home and asked that just the two of us drive to the airport. She said she wanted her leaving to be calm. She had already spent the previous 24 hours in emotional, tear-filled waves of goodbyes, leaving her large family of siblings, grandparents, and extended family, all based in America, with no return ticket home.

This was not the plan a year ago as we made up her college list and she began applying. But then October 7 happened, with its explosive aftermath on college campuses in America. And with eyes wide open, my daughter pivoted her life course in spring 2024, as encampments and protests erupted with little to no pushback at colleges to which she had applied. She began to question the safety of being Jewish in America and what the future might hold for her here as an identifiable, religious, and proud Jew. With no clear roadmap but not unlike generations of Jews in history, she decided to take her chances elsewhere.

So instead of beginning college in the US last week, she boarded a plane to spend a gap year at a seminary in Jerusalem and then give back to the Jewish people through national or army service. When we drove to the airport, our goodbye and date of reuniting was open-ended.

Amazingly, she was not alone. The plane was packed with her peers making the same decision. What appears to be large numbers of kids she knows, through one or two degrees of separation, are similarly going to Israel for a gap year or straight to join the IDF because that feels safer to many American-Jewish students right now rather than going straight to college in the US. To those students, it feels like a better reflection of their values than what they will find on most US campuses. I spoke last week to a student from my daughter’s high school who is going to Israel this week to join an IDF combat unit. He said that nearly half of the boys from his yeshiva in Jerusalem have elected to stay after their gap year in Israel and join the IDF rather than return to the US for college this year.

When we went through El Al baggage check in, I felt like my daughter had already arrived in Israel. The line was total chaos, with Israeli desk clerks yelling at my daughter about baggage weight while simultaneously calling her “Motek” (sweetheart) and shouting blessings at a soldier in line with us, who was returning to fight in Gaza.

As we walked to the security line and the real goodbye was upon us, I blessed my daughter, hugged her tight, and watched as she ascended the escalator and disappeared. As she waved goodbye with excitement and tears in her eyes, I could see that what she needed at that moment was for me not to start crying but to transmit my strength and courage to her. It felt like a parting parental gift to appear strong when I was crying inside.

Returning alone through the airport, I was overcome by the most unanticipated feeling of all: like I should be carrying a baby but my arms were empty. The ache of parting felt physical. I was transported back 18 years to when my daughter was 3 months old and I had to return to work at a law firm. Leaving my newborn baby each day felt like a part of my body had been amputated. The pain of separation felt physical. As I walked through the airport, my arms ached to hold my baby, who is suddenly 18 years old and now the one leaving me.

To all those brave Jewish students arriving on college campuses to a great unknown this semester, you are not alone. There are devoted Jewish campus leaders to turn to and wonderful outside organizations, like StandWithUs, to support you. We are here for you. And to all those brave Jewish students electing to go to Israel and join their futures with that of the Israeli people, and to all those courageous Israeli teenagers now enlisting into the IDF – all of the same age and uncertain futures – may God bless you and protect you. Your parents, the Jewish people, and Zionist allies everywhere are holding their breath and sending you their strength, pride and love.