Give me shelter?

There is zero doubt that Jews living outside of Israel see the war experience very differently than those of us who live here. Why wouldn’t they? It’s our war – and theirs by proxy. One of the most telling examples is our differing perceptions about bomb shelters. Israelis see them as life saving spaces protecting us from potential missile strikes. But outside of Israel the shelters are viewed negatively and many people are terrified to spend any time there.

For the second time in a matter of days the fear of bomb shelters by potential visitors has been a topic of conversation.

In the first incident North American guests invited to a family celebration in Israel are refusing to attend because they are too afraid of what will happen if the sirens sound and they literally have to take shelter — in a shelter.

“I don’t think I could handle sitting in a bomb shelter,” said one guest who has decided to stay away. When the Israeli branch of the family heard that, they looked at each other with baffled consternation: “What? He has a problem with the bomb shelter? Why? What does he think happens in there? We’re only there for 10 minutes max. He can’t sit on a chair in our shelter for a few minutes? Even if he has snacks?”

Then there’s another scenario. A family who frequently spend their summers in Israel is not coming this summer for fear that the sirens and the shelters will cause irrevocable emotional damage to their children. Some Israelis understand their concern — most do not.

I don’t dare mention to either shelter-phobic friend that one of my children went through a phase about 10 years ago where he refused to go to the shelter when the sirens sounded because, as he said at the time: “If it’s my time to go then it’s my time.” He was the ripe old age of 16 when he said that.

At least twice since October 7, 2023, we have hosted strangers in our shelter. It’s not clear how they got there but it doesn’t really matter. Two of them were lying on the ground outside our house as my daughter raced home and she invited them in. They joined the conversation for a few minutes and then left. We even gave them snacks.

Bomb shelters in Israel have saved countless lives. They are built into houses and apartment buildings throughout the country. Having a protected space isn’t optional here. It’s been the law since 1951. The Civil Defense Law says that all residential, commercial and industrial construction built from that time forward, must include protected spaces.

Unfortunately it wasn’t always a law and older buildings don’t have them. They are not like a few days in a five-star hotel, but being alive in a cramped shelter with your old paint cans, suitcases, and succah decorations is far better than being dead in a fancy hotel.

Some apartment buildings don’t have individual protected space in each unit. They have one large shelter for everyone in the building. In one recent case the sirens sounded in the middle of the night and a lot of babies who lived in the building weren’t so happy about having their sleep disrupted. They arrived in the shelter crying until the older residents started singing to them in unison and they went back to sleep.

Most of the time in the shelter during the past year and a half involved rounding up the people in the house, trying to find the dog, and entering the shelter for a few minutes. Once you heard the booms when the missiles were intercepted, you had to wait a few more minutes in case of falling debris and then you were free to leave. You could even take your shelter snacks with you.

There have been times in Israel’s modern history where people have been required to stay in their shelters for extended periods. That can’t have been fun. It required frequent forays for snacks and toilet relief, but it was survivable and far better than the alternative.

It’s impossible to guarantee visitors that they won’t have to go to shelters or lie down on the side of the road during this war. Our enemies are unpredictable at best. Fortunately, for the most part, they have lousy aim and we have impressive defenses. So should people stay away from Israel for fear of missiles? I am going to say no. There are snacks in the shelter.