GQ interviews Kanye about his new clothing and jewelry line (satire)

On November 9, 2022, I was fortunate enough to be assigned by Gentlemen’s Quarterly (GQ) to interview Kanye West. Yes, that publication that focuses on fashion, style and culture for men allowed me to talk to the fallen giant.

Yes, I got to go to Kanye’s West Lake Ranch,—outside of Cody, Wyoming—for the interview and the cover shoot. Yes, West Lake Ranch measures a whooping 3,888 acres. Yes, we sipped on 1980 Dom Perignon and nibbled on Beluga Sturgeon caviar hors d’oeuvres.  Yes, the champagne bubbles tickled my nostrils and the caviar melted like butter in my mouth. Yes, I got to interview the man that changed the sound of popular music. And then revolutionized fashion and sneakers. And now has moved on to redesigning antisemitism.

Here are verbatim excerpts from that interview.

GQ: Mr. West it’s a pleasure meeting you. Thanks for sitting down with me on your beautiful ranch for this interview.

First off, may I call you Kanye or should I address you as Ye?

Kanye: No, no, no, just address me as the King of All Antisemites.

GQ: Are you sure that’s what you want me to call you in my article?

Kanye: Definitely.

GQ: Well, King of All Antisemites, I want to congratulate you on your new clothing and jewelry line. It’s quite impressive.

Kanye: Thanks.

GQ: But before we talk about your new line, I guess from your previous statement, you’ve decided not to apologize to the Jews for threatening their lives.

Kanye: Ye never apologizes to anybody, especially not the Jews. Those Jews can kiss my royal black ass. They’ve cost me over two billion dollars. But I got even. I fired all the Jews from my empire. Yeah, I did one helluva house cleaning. I’m talking my Jewish lawyers, accountants, promoters, marketers and designers. My empire is now Juden frei. Which is kinda funny because even as a little kid, I was infatuated with Hitler. I praised Hitler. I wondered, “How incredible it was that he was able to accumulate so much power.” I talked about all the great things he and the Nazi Party achieved for the German people. I even wanted to name one of my albums after Hitler but my record label wouldn’t let me. But I did bring my copy of the Cliff Notes for Mein Kampf to the White House as a personal gift for 45. He gave me the warmest handshake when I handed him the book.

But enough about me. My new line is getting a whole new group of fans. Honest people who just love hating Jews.

GQ: Who are these new fans?

Kanye: Well, here are some examples. At the Florida-Georgia football game, one of my fans projected, “Kanye is right about the Jews” on stadium screens. And in L.A., a group of sieg heiling neo-Nazis hung a banner over the freeway saying, “Kanye is Right About The Jews” That’s a lot of free publicity. And I’m gonna turn that publicity into dollars—billions of dollars. And I’m gonna get these redneck men from holding their pants up with suspenders to wearing cashmere. And I’m gonna get their women folk from crayons to perfume. You’ll see. You’ll see.

GQ: Okay, let’s move on to another issue. I’ve recently read that you’ve been tipped off that there’s a Jewish conspiracy to put your new line out of business. What can you tell us about this conspiracy?

Kanye: Well, I first read about it in the Jerusalem Post. The Hebs have a plan to make replicas of my clothing in China and then ship them to Miami Beach. Then they are going to distribute the clothing to old Jews. I think they call the old Jews, “alta cockers.”

These alta cockers will parade up and down Collins Avenue and Ocean Drive wearing imitations of my new look.

Then they’re going to blast pictures of those alta cockers all over the net. Yeah, on  FaceBook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter.  They’re trying to upset my 18 million followers.

Their strategy may work. I ask you, “What self-respecting teenager or metrosexual will buy my stuff after they see those “alta cockers” photos on Instagram.”

And now I’m having a tough time finding any attorneys to file an injunction to stop these hoodlums and their conspiracy.

GQ: Well, King of All Anti-Semites, what can you disclose about your new line?

Kanye: Well, my blue and white high top sneakers are initialed DC3TJP in blood red.

I think they’ll sell out in days.

My women’s multi-colored rain coat line has the words, “Kanye Was Right About The Jewish People” embroidered  on their backs with yellow lettering done up in a Breitkopf Fraktur font.

And I’ve created a white satin robe ensemble with a pointed hoodie. I’m putting my new name on those sheets:

King of all Anti-SemiteS

King of all Anti-SemiteS

King of all Anti-SemiteS.

I predict they’ll be all the rage on the catwalks of Paris, New York, London and Milan.

GQ: Kanye, congratulations on continuing to be a trailblazer in the field of fashion. You’re taking your new line in a whole new direction. And I want to wish you much success in your new endeavors. Thanks again for your hospitality and for granting me this very informative interview.

Kanye: You’re so welcome. I hope to be reading this interview in the next edition of GQ. I can’t wait to see my face on the cover of your great magazine. You know that I’ve been on GQ‘s cover like 20 times.  By the time this new edition hits the newsstands, this whole Jew bashing of me will blow over. I’ll be old news. The Jews will move on to another anti-Semite like Elon Musk. You’ll see. You’ll see.

About the Author
Florida's Jewish short-story writer, speaker, film producer and retired attorney. He has authored, "A Hebraic Obsession", "The Hanukkah Bunny" and "The Greatest Gift." He produced an award-winning short film entitled, "The Stairs". Movie can be viewed on my TOI blog. Mort was a correspondent for the Fort Lauderdale Sun Sentinel Jewish Journal. He has recently taken on the post of president of the South Florida Writers Association.
Related Topics
Related Posts