This is the view as I arrived last Monday morning in the socially distanced waiting room of VCU Medical Center in Richmond Virginia. The oddest thing was not having my daughter allowed to go with me. I reflect with deepest respect and reverence for all the COVID-19 patients who have gone to hospitals, without the physical support of a loved one next to them. This is either the safest time to have surgery, or the worst.
I’ve been hesitating whether or not to say what I’ve observed the past few weeks and especially these past few days post op hernia surgery. I’ve come to some profound awareness’s that are MY truths exclusively.
I use the term, “teaching me” in the title because I’m pretty sure I’m not done learning.
I’m not in control. My body is. Every single move I make, every decision ,whether I feel strong enough to shower or walk outside is determined by my pain level. I have worried about having this surgery for years. Its impacted my life, my work, And my work is what got me here in the first place. Doing to much too after a previous surgery. not letting my kitchen team down. All things that were never me to begin with. I’m here to guide , not work myself to death. what a humbling realization when the body makes decisions for us.
I am going someplace with this.
Whatever controversy is going on, wear a mask, don’t wear a mask are really markers to check in where with we are with ourselves. Personally, I think it costs nothing for the 10 minutes we are inside a store to care enough about another human being, to be considerate enough to be a good neighbor.
Where is Mr Rogers when we need him? Having a well deserved rest I suppose. He has left us with ourselves, and we are lost . We don’t care about being good neighbors I apologize Mr Rogers ,I wonder if you are watching us from wherever you are .
Personal rights, are perceived to being threatened. Social media wars are the theme of the day. What controversy is actually ours and what is not ? We love to jump on the bandwagon., myself included. This surgery has made me check myself. Which brings me to this conclusion.
No government, no person can actually take away ME FROM ME . If I truly know myself, I mean the real ME , not my job, or who I think I am, or what other people perceive me to be, no one can take my essence. So I’m NOT threatened. ( I am also white, which needs to be said,) You may want to think about that .
You may be battered, and worn, and the system is working against you. There are inequities, YES. But no one can take what is in the human spirit. If you really knew you…
So many personal wounds have come up for people these past 3 months. Abandonment, fear, all the big ones. Yes I get it, if you are in business. I am too. I’m not working. I am not making light of of the businesses that will be lost and are suffering during this time. But what I’ve discovered is that we as humans are adaptable, even creative, I am changing up what I do as well. Our survival depends on our adaptability. Poor people understand adaptability. It is lost on white America. WE identify with our work , our comforts as who we are. It simply isn’t the case.
MY wounds at the minute are deep incision wounds. They have shown me what is superficial, ( other peoples shit) what is mine, and what is not. It literally makes every decision for me, not my mind.
What goes on in Washington, isn’t my battle in this moment. Let them duke it out. Yes I have an opinion. My only job right now is to listen to my body, and it talks to me every second of the day now. OUCH !
In this little window of insanity, I decided it was time to repair me. In side and out, quite literally, I’m in repair.
My Ayruvedic teacher wrote a post about who is the guru, our teacher. I would have to say right now,my guru is my body. What has this time taught you?