Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Homosexual men and their religiosity

I will restrict my hypothesis to men and monotheism. Maybe my suggestion would also apply to women and to other religions but one needs to start investigating somewhere.

The suffering afflicted on homosexual men by the monotheistic religions is enormous. So far, not great apologies have been uttered by prominent religious leaders. Though there have been righteous individuals who have tried at least to behave humanely towards homosexuals, especially some parents of homosexuals and rare theologians like some rabbis or priests.

One would assume that therefore homosexuals would all run from anything that looks like organized monotheistic religion. One would think that they would want nothing to do with religion that trashes and declares evil their innate human deep need for a profound sexual relationship with someone of their own gender. But that is not what one always observes.

Surely, there are homosexuals who drop traditional religion as part of their coming out and their liberation from internalized oppression. That should not astonish anyone. But surprisingly, we also see the very opposite.

Many a homosexual man has such deep religiosity that he could never stop being religious. They may wrestle for years with G^d how He could do this to them. How many heterosexuals would engage in such struggles without giving up on religion? When homosexuals leave religious communities, it often seems to be more a being ousted than running away.

I have seen another hint of homosexual men having an extra-large talent for religiosity. They often are the most religious persons in their families. (That would explain why, so sadly, homosexual children from very open-minded religious parents still have committed suicide. Their parents’ liberalism didn’t help them. That’s why it’s not enough to have tolerant religious allies — the whole premise of homosexuals’ sex being evil must go.)

One could try to psychoanalyze that deeper spirituality (away) but I want to suggest that this deep religiosity is a talent that has deeper roots than early hurt causing them. That they are hardwired in the brain.

And now that we’re at differences between homosexuals and heterosexuals, this greater religiosity reminds me of the one thing that I found in psychological literature in which homosexual men and women are significantly better than heterosexuals: empathy.

Their heightened empathy level could also explain why the so prevalent (and almost totally denied) occurrence of childhood sexual abuse does not seem to occur under homosexual parenthood. Deep psychotherapy shows that, on the watch of heterosexual parents, a vast majority of babies experience a lack of ‘sexual respect’ (no one trying anything sexual with them). Just imagine the uproar if such molestation was committed on the watch of only one homosexual couple. But there’s no uproar like that at all.

My suggestion is to investigate statistically if homosexual men indeed are more often the most religious in their families and communities than comparable heterosexuals. Since homosexuality among women seems more fluid, it would make sense to start investigating men first. But I wouldn’t be surprised if the same could be found among lesbians.

It would be the second psychological talent among homosexuals. One being, greater empathy — applying to the relationship between people. And secondly a greater religiosity — applying between humans and G^d.

I could understand why G^d, Who never makes a mistake, has made us live now with a million (5%) homosexual Jews and almost half a billion (5%) homosexual Gentiles. Such amounts exclude a quirk of Nature. They give away a deliberate Plan. And this could be a hint to all of us that we should improve relating to our fellow human beings and to the G^d Who loves us.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach and lehavdiel bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, GLBTQAI, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quit a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500st blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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