Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews -- For those who like their news and truths frank and sharp

How to be happy and have a happy relationship?

“If every person in the world would make one person happy, everyone would be happy.” – Wim Kan

I don’t want to insult anyone who is failing this, but it’s really simple.

How to be Happy

Lift the corners of your mouth. Decide to be happy for no reason at all. When you do that, many reasons to be happy will become clear to you.

Don’t wait to smile for when you will feel happy. That time may never come. First smile, the feeling will follow. But don’t fake it — mean it.

The pursuit of happiness is a trap to keep you chasing after something already within you. Stop hoping for happiness if only you …. It is better to work ambitiously while happy rather than dissatisfied. Shallow happiness comes from possessing; deep happiness from giving from the heart.

Set time aside to laugh and cry. It clears the heavy heart. Be happy to cry.

How to Have a Happy Relationship

For some people, the below is no good. They might be so deeply lonely that they need drama and screaming matches to begin to feel connected.

For most, the following recipe works well. 1. Choose someone willing to be generous. 2. Be generous. Don’t give in order to get. Just give. Give what your partner needs, not what you would like to have or be given.

This does not work with a partner who’s violent or unwaveringly stingy.

If both partners try to grab ‘enough,’ it will never be enough and dissatisfaction and disappointment will be your lot. But if both partners try to give liberally, both partners’ cups will be overflowing.

Instead of interrupting each other or having only one talk all the time, take turns listening to each other. Love whatever your partner says.

Don’t ever abuse sex to feel good or cover over emotional unhappiness. Be (and stay) emotionally close before being physically close.

If everyone would always do this, therapists would go poor.

“I too want an ideal world although I know it would leave me without income.” – Wim Kan, the father of Dutch political standup

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * To find his earlier blog posts on a certain subject XXX, among his over 1200 ones, go to the right-top corner of the Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". His second daily active less tame blog, to which one may subscribe, one may find here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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