IDF soldiers ‘bombarded’ with women’s underwear

IDF soldiers serving on the front lines in and around the Gaza Strip have been struggling under a barrage of parcels containing thousands of pairs of ladies’ underwear after a call to contribute to the war effort was widely misunderstood.

Earlier in the week IDF officials appealed to the public to send basic supplies for the boys in the field who have been unable to restock while answering the call to duty. Among the sundry items in low supply but high demand were deodorants, towels, socks, and underwear.

However, the request to “send underwear” was taken a little too personally by thousands of women who were eager to do their bit for the country.

“We were bombarded,” recalled Staff Sargent Motti Zillman of the IDF’s Logistics Corps. “Every hour another truck load showed up. We couldn’t forward them quick enough.”

Hundreds of care packages arrived at collection points around the country from where they were transported to an army depot close to Gaza. In the haste to get the parcels to the waiting soldiers the contents were not checked.

It was only once the troops in the field gratefully opened the bundles that they discovered the IDF had taken delivery of several thousand pairs of assorted women’s underthings. However, with no other relief available the soldiers were forced to grin and wear it.

“At first we all had a good laugh,” said Ari Berkowitz, a paratrooper who was issued a three-pack of brightly colored thongs. “But let me tell you, doing a six hour foot patrol in these is no joke.”

Chayka Peri, a tank driver, said he considered himself lucky to have drawn two pairs of control briefs.

“They aren’t too bad,” he admitted. “I usually wear something similar anyway. Just without the frills.”

Others were still trying to get used to their new smalls.

Infantryman Zvi Copler struggled against his bulky combat webbing in an effort to tug a wayward undergarment back into place.

“Not easy,” he grumbled, “the machine gun makes it hard to reach around.”

For some of the soldiers the unfamiliar clothing was baffling.

A heavily bearded ultra-Orthodox soldier from the IDF’s Nahal-Haredi unit was stumped by a pair of gossamer crotchless drawers.

“They are ruined already, what’s the point to that?” he complained until his sergeant tactfully switched the flimsy item for a robust pair of boxers shorts, one of the few gender-correct pieces to arrive.

Commanders, busy with battle plans had other things on their minds than what lay below their soldiers’ belts. However, in an effort to keep up morale they tried to get into the spirit of things.

“One of my men got a full set of undies with the days of the week on them,” said Lieutenant Aharon Golding, a line of pink lace showing over the top of his fatigue pants. “I caught him wearing ‘Wednesday’ when it was only Tuesday and ordered him to change them. After all, an army needs to maintain order.”

Zillman said that with packages still flowing in the IDF was not planning to implement any quality control on the underwear.

“After all, it would be a bit like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted, or in this case My Little Pony,” he smirked nodding at a packet of pastel underwear with the iconic fillies stenciled on the front.

Ironically, even Rachel Stein, an artillery fire control coordinator, was unhappy with the situation.

Sitting on an empty ammunition crate the petite young woman, who volunteered to serve in a combat unit, explained that she too had been living it rough for two weeks ever since her brigade was sent into action.

Like her male comrades-in-arms, Stein eagerly anticipated a change of underclothes.

“I got these,” she sighed holding up a capacious pair of extra large Y-fronts. “Just my luck.”

(Satire and spoof contributed to this blog post.)

About the Author
When he isn't writing outlandish blog posts just for fun, Stuart Winer is a breaking news editor at The Times of Israel.
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