If I Were King

When I was a young child, I remember my grandmother’s pious sister telling me that we were related to the King David of the Bible. From my Torah studies I learned that King David had red hair and so I responded to her by mentioning that no one in our family was a red head.

“Never mind”, she answered. “I heard it from my father and he heard it from his father and for hundreds of years all the men in our family knew that they were descendants of Israel’s great king”.

With that assurance I hurried to tell my classmates “I’m from King David’s family. I am a prince”.

Laughter and ridicule followed. But being as stubborn as I am, I still hold on to my claim of being related to King David who ruled in Jerusalem following the death of our first King, Saul.

So I will present the information to our President and to the justices of our Supreme Court and I will demand that Israel be declared a monarchy with me as its king.

I would not require a great palace nor a gilded coach drawn by Arabian white horses. I could live on Balfour street when prime minister Netanyahu and family vacate the premises of the official residence.

I don’t want a horse-drawn gilded carriage. A Toyota sedan or a Mitsubishi would be sufficient. It would require only a secure driver and some gasoline.

Once every month on a Thursday, my “palace” would be open to Israeli citizens who wished to greet their king. On a second day of each month, visitors who wished to visit and to be photographed with the king would be required prior to entrance in the throne room to follow the few requirements.

First, there will be seated at the entrance, representatives from Yad Sarah and Friends of the IDF. All visitors will be required to make specified donations to those two very worthy charities.

Second, cameras will not be allowed. Photos will be taken only by the royal photographers.

Third, visitors will not be permitted to approach the king on his throne. Neither will they be required to bow before him since a Jew must bow only to our God.

Fourth, each visit will be limited to three minutes of the photographic visit.

Fifth and Final, visitors will exit the throne room backwards until they reach the external exit doors.

Such a protocol will provide millions or even billions of shekels donated to the two above-named charities, and they will prosper.

The king must be willing to follow the Knesset’s ruling under the newly-written “Monarchy Law”. His reign shall be for his lifetime and he shall be succeeded by a male heir.

With these few changes, Israel will become a freer nation, devoid of insane decisions of an elected prime-minister.

The king will be a king to all of his people and he will acknowledge them as “my people”, not “my subjects”.

The king and his wife will live together in the “royal household” and together they will cook their own meals. A chef will be employed only to prepare meals for banquets of official guests and statesmen.

The costs to the public for maintaining the monarchy will be a thousand times less than the costs for maintenance of the prime-minister and family at the present (2020) time.

As a descendant of Israel’s greatest royal ruler and his noble family, I would serve my people and my Kingdom of Israel with much warmth, affection , loyalty, compassion, caring, and interest (and all other adjectives befitting the role of a king).

As I reach for my crown I hear a voice shouting. It is the voice of my daughter who cries out:

“Wake up, abba. You are dreaming and talking in your sleep”.

With those few words, I have been deposed from my crown and am forced to abdicate my comfortable throne.

Oh well. Yechi haMelech. Long live the king!
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(Nota Bene: The only truth in this article is that I and my family before me were descended from King David. Even though none of us was red-headed, this was the story told to me by a very pious member of my mother’s family.)

About the Author
Esor Ben-Sorek is a retired professor of Hebrew, Biblical literature & history of Israel. Conversant in 8 languages: Hebrew, Yiddish, English, French, German, Spanish, Polish & Dutch. Very proud of being an Israeli citizen. A follower of Trumpeldor & Jabotinsky & Begin.
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