Infiltration (Satire)

October 5th 2024

9:00 p.m.

Minutes of Covert Election Planning Committee Meeting

Secure Room in the Basement at Mar-a-Lago, Palm Beach, Florida

Agent Red: Boss, great news. My team just convinced Harris to debate you. Our moles fed her ego. They told her, “You’re so smart that you’ll mop the floor with him. You look so young and pretty, like a cheerleader, standing next to the old man. You’ll make him look like a fool.” She doesn’t have a clue that by debating you, she put both of you on an equal playing field. Vice President equals convicted felon. What an amateur. She’s minor-league material.

The Boss: Great work Agent Red. I love it when you call her an amateur. She’s not even good enough to make the minors.

Agent Orange: Well, my team gave Harris a copy of our book, A Hundred Ways To Win the U. S. Election. That’s the same book we gifted to Hillary in 2016. Hillary was so stupid that she almost hit the hundred mark. Harris promised she’d read it. We even got her to hire some of the same advisors that worked for Hillary. There is nothing like hiring losers to help you run your campaign. We even got Harris to ask Nancy Pelosi and Hillary Clinton to do commercials for her.

The Boss: I hope she reads it. Hilary really fell for the one about destroying all 30,000 of her nasty emails. What an idiot. I rubbed that move in her face for over a year.

Agent Purple: Well Boss, my team convinced her not to address the Communist issue. We told her, “Since your father was  a Marxist, it’s better to keep your mouth shut on the Commie issue.”  G-d, she’s so easy to manipulate. To think she’s paying our experts millions to give her campaign advice. And our experts have convinced her that multiple-word messages, like “We’re Not Going Back” are better than one-word themes like, “Freedom.” They convinced her to pay celebrities like Oprah’s team  bucks for endorsements and to set up a stage for a show. While poor people are sending Kamala dollar bills, she was giving her family members big consultant fees. And my guys even persuaded Harris to nag her supporters on a daily bases for donations via email. I bet those nagging emails will be one of the reasons so many Democrats stay home on election day. Poor people were sending her dollar bills and she’s giving her family members big consultant fees. That’s chutzpah. My team even convinced Harris to go to the U.S.-Mexico border.

The Boss: She’s an idiot. Doesn’t she know that I own the border issue? That trip to the border will cost her a million votes. Wait a minute. How do I know if you guys aren’t working for her?

Agent Red: Boss, you’ll never know if we’re double agents. You’ll have to trust us. Just as we have to trust you that we’re going to get paid.

The Boss: Laughs out loud. Thanks guys. Keep up the good work. You’re a great bunch of spies. I’m naming this team the “Infiltrators.” You’ve totally infiltrated her campaign. When I win remind me that I promised all of you guys the best jobs at the CIA.