Jerusalem is crying: I just want to sing!

    EICHA    OH HOW I CRY

I sit in desolation.

אַחַ֚ת שָׁאַ֣לְתִּי מֵֽאֵת ה’ אוֹתָ֪הּ אֲבַ֫קֵּ֥שׁ שִׁבְתִּ֣י בְּבֵֽית־ ה’ כָּל־יְמֵ֣י חַיַּ֑י

לַֽחֲז֥וֹת בְּנֹֽעַם־ה’ וּלְבַקֵּ֥ר בְּהֵיכָלֽוֹ

I just want to cry.  I just want to cry.

Sometimes the tears are pushing so hard but they are kept back.

Sometimes I am so numb the tears just won’t come.

Sometimes they are so deep inside they are screaming where no one but me hears them.

They desperately want to let go and pour forth.

When the tears do come they seem to be unsure.  Do they burst out, do they trickle?

Sometimes the pain is just too much and the tears are too many.

Sometimes I am flooded inside.

Sometimes the flood is so overwhelming.

The burst would be so explosive it would shatter any waterfall’s intensity.

The tears uncontrollably drown the soul.

The numbness all over turns to emptiness as the floodgates crumble.

‘מִקֹּל֨וֹת | מַ֚יִם רַבִּ֗ים אַדִּירִ֣ים מִשְׁבְּרֵי־יָ֑ם אַדִּ֖יר בַּמָּר֣וֹם ה

I need to cry.  I need to cry.

I need to empty the well and make room for the soul that is drowning.

Sometimes I cry alone.  No tears come but I cry.

Sometimes I do cry and cry and cry.

I need to really cry.  I need to be held and let the cry come as it needs to.

Sometimes I just need to let go and let the tears flow and flow and flow.

Then maybe my tears of sorrow may just bring tears of joy, if there is some room left in my soul.

…הַזֹּֽרְעִ֥ים בְּדִמְעָ֗ה בְּרִנָּ֥ה יִקְצֹֽרוּ

I cried and I cried

and I cried.

So much inside has died

It dies over and over and over.

The swollen well overflowed its brink

It just couldn’t hold in any more tears.

I cried and I cried

and I cried.

The tears gushed out

Nothing could hold them back.

I cried and I cried

and I cried.

It was hard to cry and cry and cry.

The pain is still there, it hurts my soul.

So I still cry and cry and cry.

Inside.

Tears, needed tears, by my heart abide

Break the agony of despair and sorrow with your flowing tide.

הָפַ֣כְתָּ מִסְפְּדִי֘ לְמָח֪וֹל לִ֥י פִּתַּ֣חְתָּ שַׂקִּ֑י וַתְּאַזְּרֵ֥נִי שִׂמְחָֽה

I just want to sing.  I just want to sing.

I need to sing.   I need to sing.

I need to really sing.

אָ֜שִׁ֗ירָה וַֽאֲזַמֵּֽרָה

יְהִֽי־שָׁל֥וֹם בְּחֵילֵ֑ךְ שַׁ֜לְוָ֗ה בְּאַרְמְנוֹתָֽיִךְ

לְמַֽעַן־אַחַ֥י וְרֵעָ֑י אֲדַבְּרָה־נָּ֖א שָׁל֣וֹם בָּֽךְ

May there be peace in your wall, tranquility in your palaces.  For the sake of my brethren and my companions, I shall now speak of peace in you.

CHAZAK!

Miriam Leah