Tonight, G^d willing, will my son Shalom marry Bat-el. The following states in English what I hope to say there. Today is also the 39th yahrtzeit of my father, natan ben mordechai, and also 6 years since the death of the great Marshall Rosenberg. May our accomplishments all strengthen each other.
Tonight is a very special day of this month, the 26th. Twenty-six is actually twice thirteen. And 13 is the numerical value of the Hebrew for love.
Strangely, the Torah commands us to love. To love your fellow, to love the proselyte, and to love G^d, our G^d. This is strange since, generally, the Torah doesn’t talk a lot about feelings. It describes life as we can all see it, unaided by telescope, microscope, television, surgeon, or psychologist.
Why has your face fallen, G^d inquires to know from Cain. Not: Why do you feel lousy? The major exception about feelings is G^d Who is sometimes reported as being angry. But maybe, that’s the least one may do in staging SomeOne IncorpoReal. So, what is love doing in Scripture?
Please, let me suggest that the commandments to love do not mean that we must feel very happy with someone. “Waiter, bring me some fish — I love fish” reveals fake love. If you’d really loved fish, you would not eat it.
Rather, go love, in the Torah, means: Make the others feel that you love them. This understanding explains a few things I never understood before.
Isaac and Esau
For me, it’s inconceivable that the only child of Abraham, who loved everyone, Isaac, would not know how to love his son Esau. Only when he fed him game he would love him? And this great saint would not be disturbed to have his sympathy be ‘bough’? Never made any sense to me.
Rather, that’s not what it could mean. Esau knew how evil he was. Hiding his evil side from his father did nothing for making him feel better about himself. Only when his father ate fresh meat dishes of wild he captured and prepared, Esau felt some hope that his father could love him.
The saintly Jacob did not have such trouble. He just felt that his mother loved him. I once asked one of my children, when he was about five, how he knew that I loved him. He said: “Because, because, because I FEEL it.”
Moses and Jethro
On Shabbat, we just read, over a dozen times in one chapter, of Jethro being Moses’ father-in-law. Once would have been enough. Exaggerate and say it twice. Why so many times, I asked myself every year.
Maybe an answer can go as follows. We are commanded to deeply love proselytes. Yet, they may have a hard time believing it. Jethro served all idols in the world before turning to Judaism. And now the Jews, who suffered as slaves, are going to not only accept and honor him, but also love him while he had suffered nothing? Maybe they’re just being polite.
Of course, Moses honors him. To make your in-laws feel honored is part of the command to honor one’s parents. So, he feasts him to an exquisite banquette. But honoring is not making him feel loved. So, he can’t stop telling everyone that this is my father-in-law. How often? Thirteen times!
In Prayer
In the first blessing of our thrice-a-day main prayer, we say that everything G^d does for us is “from love.” The numerical value seems fifteen but let me suggest reading it differently: from: 2, love: thirteen: twice 13.
To pray in Hebrew is a reflexive word. G^d will hear our prayers but do we too overhear and pay attention to the words we say? The prayer should help us notice in our lives how much G^d loves us. And much of what we do and don’t do would warrant making G^d feel loved, so to speak. Twice thirteen. That’s 26. The numerical value of the Tetragrammaton, G^d’s special four-letter Name. Our relationship with G^d is a two-way street.
And that’s how it should be between husband and wife. Not that they feel good about the other. But rather, that they each make the other feel, by action, by words, by facial expression, by thoughtfulness, you are loved.
And when both feel the love of the other, G^d is with them.
The Sick
May the One who loves us all, heal all the sick we care about, here, at home, in hospital, in the Diaspora, take away any life-threatening danger, shortness of breath, lack of taste, pain, or lack of energy, and return them to full physical and emotional health, still tonight, let us say Amen.
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, previously a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He often makes his readers laugh, mad, or assume he's nuts—close to perfect blogging. He's proud that his analytical short comments are removed both from left-wing and right-wing news sites. None of his content is generated by the new bore on the block, AI. *
As a frontier thinker, he sees things many don't yet. He's half a prophet. Half. Let's not exaggerate. Or not at all because he doesn't claim G^d talks to him. He gives him good ideas—that's all. MM doesn't believe that people observe and think in a vacuum. He, therefore, wanted a broad bio that readers interested can track a bit what (lack of) backgrounds, experiences, and educations contribute to his visions. *
This year, he will prioritize getting his unpublished books published rather than just blog posts. Of the 15 (!) books he has in mind, the next two are about homosexuality in Judaism and new rabbinics. Next year, he hopes to focus on activism against human extinction. To find less-recent posts on a subject XXX among his over 2600 archived ones, go to the right-top corner of a Times of Israel page, click on the search icon and search "zuiden, XXX". One can find a second, wilder blog that also may contain updates to Times of Israel posts, to which one may subscribe, here: https://mmvanzuiden.wordpress.com/ or by clicking on the globe icon next to his picture on top. *
He's getting ready to publicize books on: "Free Will, "Judaism and Homosexuality, "His parents in the Holocaust, "Judaism, "A New Torah Translation and "A New Hebrew Grammar, "Co-Counseling, "Vegan Facts, "Immortality, and more. *
Like most of his readers, he believes in being friendly, respectful, and loyal. However, if you think those are his absolute top priorities, you might end up disappointed. His first loyalty is to the truth. He agrees that in a post-truth world, that's irrelevant, but then this is for the record. He will try to stay within the limits of democratic and Jewish law, but he won't lie to support opinions or people when don't deserve that. (Yet, we all make honest mistakes, which is just fine and does not justify losing support.) He admits that he sometimes exaggerates to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. *
Sometimes he's misunderstood because his wide and diverse field of vision seldomly fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what some love about him. He has written a lot about Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (including basic statistics), Politics (Israel, the US, and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight reality), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA+, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), the Climate Crisis, Ecology and Veganism, Affairs from the news, or the Torah Portion of the Week, or new insights that suddenly befell him. *
Chronologically, his most influential teachers are his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim, Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. This short list doesn't mean to disrespect others who taught him a lot or a little. One of his rabbis calls him Mr. Innovation [Ish haChidushim]. Yet, his originalities seem to root deeply in traditional Judaism, though they may grow in unexpected directions. In fact, he claims he's modernizing nothing. Rather, mainly basing himself on the basic Hebrew Torah text, he tries to rediscover classical Jewish thought almost lost in thousands of years of stifling Gentile domination and Jewish assimilation. (He pleads for a close reading of the Torah instead of going by rough assumptions of what it would probably mean and before fleeing to Commentaries.) This, in all aspects of life, but prominently in the areas of Free Will, Activism, Homosexuality for men, and Redemption. *
He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, and disturb the comfortable and comfort the disturbed. He aims to bring a fresh perspective rather than harp on the obvious and familiar. When he can, he loves to write encyclopedic overviews. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds should be disputed. In short, his main political positions are among others: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, anti those who abuse democratic liberties, anti the fake ME peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, pro-Science, pro-Free Will, anti-blaming-the-victim, and for down-to-earth, classical optimism, and happiness. Read his blog on how he attempts to bridge any tensions between those ideas or fields. *
He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (https://diethylstilbestrol.co.uk/studies/des-and-psychological-health/), born in 1953 to his parents who were Dutch-Jewish Holocaust survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork. He grew up a humble listener. It took him decades to become a speaker too, and decades more to admit to being a genius. But his humility was his to keep. And so was his honesty. Bullies and con artists almost instantaneously envy and hate him. He hopes to bring new things and not just preach to the choir. *
He holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam) – is half a doctor. He practices Re-evaluation Co-counseling since 1977, is not an official teacher anymore, and became a friendly, powerful therapist. He became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he was active in hasbara to the Dutch-speaking public. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. *
His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having an original peek outside of your cultural bubble. His posts are spell, grammar, and style polished by AI, but all written by himself. *
To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me. *
His newest books you may find here: https://www.amazon.com/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3AMoshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&s=relevancerank&text=Moshe-Mordechai%2FMaurits+van+Zuiden&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1
