The Blogs: Keffiyehs are Sexier than Kippot: A Fictional Conversation

Keffiyehs are Sexier than Kippahs: A Fictional Conversation.

I’ve frequently heard from those following the news in the Middle East that Israel needs to do a better job of public relations. “Why can’t we do as good a job as Hamas and the other terrorist organizations?” they whine. “After all, Israel is our ally and a democratic nation whose values closely mirror our own.” Yeah, like that matters. I attempted to answer that question with a satirical piece I wrote back in 2020 and posted here last fall. At that time I promised a Part 2 addressing this conundrum. It follows below:

Yuval when we left off was associate director of the Israel is Fantastic public relations agency. Today he is the host of a mildly successfully podcast listened to mainly by Jews and the social media news agency Underneath the Middle East. Mohammad Abaan of the highly successful Yhkreb Beitak agency financed by Qatar continues to reap the rewards of his connections and is also doing a thriving business selling keffiyehs, signs, flags, posters and other Palestinian-related paraphernalia.

Yuval and Mo meet at an undisclosed location in Brooklyn and both are wearing business casual. The key difference is that Yuval has on a yellow ribbon pin and a dog tag saying, in Hebrew, “Together We Will Win.” Mo wears a red-and-white checkered keffiyeh.

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Yuval: Boker Tov

Mo: As salamu alaykum

Yuval: Looking sharp in your new keffiyeh.

Mo: Well, to be honest, it does hide my bald spot. He giggles a bit self consciously.

Yuval: I’d imagine that the keffiyeh manufacturers are raking it in with so many of the trendy Gen Z’ers and wannabes stocking up.

Mo: Yes, so right, but we all know that it’s actually China that is benefiting from the sales as they manufacture them. And, by the way thanks for hooking me up with that wholesaler on 23rd Street. Good deal.

Yuval: No Problem. I found some of your previous tips quite helpful as well, especially about using images and photos. So let’s begin with talking about the keffiyeh, ok? It was such a stroke of brilliance to use the keffiyeh as a unifying symbol of resistance. I do admire, from purely a professional standpoint of course, that you chose that.

Mo: Well, I can’t take responsibility for that one even though I did benefit enormously from it. It actually evolved from other more basic face coverings. If you remember, at first all the protestors were wearing leftover face masks from COVID.

Yuval, dryly: Yeah. I imagine that wasn’t because they suddenly developed a paranoiac fear that the COVID virus was returning in full force. I believe scientific studies have conclusively proved that when fighting for a righteous cause, say the BLM movement, people had no likelihood of catching the COVID virus.

MO: Ha ha. Well Yuval, Remember I did tell you that logic and truth can never get in the way of a good narrative. Of course, COVID had nothing to do with it. It was about protecting people from the repercussions of violating the law when things got out of hand as they tend to do when there are large groups of people protesting.

Yuval: Of course. Our people, it seems, had no fear of COVID.

Mo: So the masks did work for a while and remember we always analyze our target audience. We are pros of course. (He can’t restrain himself from sneering.) And we are well aware that Americans are not as brave as the people they are cheering on. In fact most of them wouldn’t last a day in Gaza. (He chuckles).

Yuval: Hey, Mo! You almost sound like one of us!

Mo: Look, I’m just talking to you as the PR professional I am. And, remember this conversation is totally off the record.

Yuval: Of course.

Mo: So, we noticed we were getting some negative feedback. After all, there’s nothing less sexy than a surgical mask, no?

Yuval: I’m with you there, Bro.

Mo: So then when shopping for deals on these masks, also made in China by the way, I noticed ads for shemaghs.

Yuval: Shemaghs? What’s that? Sounds Irish.

Mo: Actually it’s also a word that comes from the Arabian world.

Yuval: Hmmm, Shemagh, Schmattah… Sounds so similar.

Mo: Schmattah? What’s that? Another variation?

Yuval: I guess you could say that. Schmattah is a Yiddish word meaning a rag or cloth. All us New Yorkers know it. It’s also kinda derogatory and sometimes refers to clothing that is worn out and not very up-to-date. My grandmother used it all the time. He smiles. If she were still here, she would’ve called that thing on your head a Schmattah! Yuval can’t restrain himself from laughing.

Mo, looking stricken: Are you making fun of me?

Seeing the alarm on Yuval’s face, Mo adds: I’m just messing with you Bro. We must always respect our elders.

Mo: Anyway the Shemagh, Schmattah, keffiyeh, they’re all very similar, pretty much identical, and they now come in lots of colors and patterns. It can be worn as a shawl, over the head, as a headdress, as a neckerchief or a scarf. Very versatile. Mo rises and turning this way and that demonstrates its various uses causing Yuval to giggle … And fashionable.

Yuval: Mo you fashionista!

Mo: Hey, are you calling me a homo, I mean gay?

Yuval hastily: No, NO. Just a joke. It just means you’re knowledgeable about fashion.

Mo, giving Yuval a suspicious look: Hey, I am just interested in this item purely from a business point of view, you understand?

Yuval, nervously: Of course, of course. I wouldn’t suggest otherwise.

Mo: So I noticed quite a number of vendors selling shemaghs and in smaller print it would say “keffiyeh”. These headscarfs were marketed as “perfect for hunting, shooting, paintball, survivalist, outdoorsmen, etc.“So far so good, no?

Yuval: Sounds cool to me. I’d even buy one myself if they didn’t call it a keffiyeh since I do a bit of mountain biking and hiking myself and I’m susceptible to asthma.

Mo: I was a bit concerned that American military types seem to wear them as well, but .. they tend to go for the less striking colors: olive drab, black, boring stuff. Plus our audience or demographic, as Americans say, weren’t necessarily even aware of the military connection….He laughs.. Honestly, I can’t imagine some of these protestors, especially your own folks ( he gives Yuval a contemptuous look) hunting, fishing or shooting. Ha Ha.

Anyway, where were we?

Mo pauses: Do you believe that in the comments section of Amazon, one fellow, a Brit I believe wrote, he rummages through his iPad, “when I’ve worn mine (keffiyeh), I’ve had a machine gun or rifle in my hands and a whole platoon of similarly clad lads on hand to help explain the issue and occasionally a tank or two to further clarify.”

Mo shakes his head with laughter: Those Brits…Anyway the connection is clear – Keffiyeh and protestors, perfect together! The keffiyeh was the perfect fashion declaration for our cause. It covers your face even better than the surgical mask, it protects against the sun, it’s easy to buy and best of all it’s sexy!

Yuval: Mmmm, I suppose it can be.

Mo: We were a bit worried about, how do you call it? Cultural appreciation.

Yuval: It’s “appropriation”.

Mo: Yes, yes. Appropriation. Weird word. Sometimes I don’t get the Americans. Why would they be against something that’s appropriate? Doesn’t make sense. In reality wearing garments from another culture is showing appreciation, No?

Yuval: I guess….

Mo: So anyway, the keffiyeh. It’s been wildly successful. No?

Yuval nods.

Mo: So I guess, my point is that in PR you have to find something that people can identify with to express their cause and it has to be sexy. Write that down as rule, what were we up to? He scrolls through his notes. Eight I believe.

Yuval: Yeah, I see where you are coming from. But we have our own symbols.

Mo interrupts, scoffing: Yes, you have Kippahs or Yarmulkahs.. Ha Ha ha. Hardly sexy.

Yuval looks annoyed: No, not kippahs. I’m referring to our yellow ribbons similar to the pink ones worn by feminists in support of the fight against breast cancer. And our dog tags. Our studies showed that the pink ribbons that feminists embraced would carry over to the cause of kidnapped victims.

Mo, regards Yuval’s pin skeptically: You mean that tiny thing that no one can see?

Yuval sighs: Well it’s easy to convince people to wear.

Mo: Uh uh, Well I think you were more on the right track with the dogfight necklace. At least that’s associated with the military.

Yuval brightens: Dog TAGS. And yes they come in a a variety of slogans and are also cheap.

Mo: Well, I think the dog tags are ok, but they don’t stick out as much, say, at a rally. Hard to see and easy to tuck under your shirt. Keffiyehs, on the other hand, make a pretty bold statement you must admit.

Yuval: Yeah, they are kinda sexy on some women, but still a turnoff for me. Anyway, I gotta run… One of our released hostages is throwing the first pitch tonight at a major league baseball game. Super excited. Americans love baseball…

Mo: Another game I don’t understand.

Yuval: Let’s set another meeting soon.

Stay Tuned for Part 3: Slogans