Have you ever had someone in your life who you know is toxic and not good for you but you just cannot seem to let them go? I have and I know many people who have too. You see, these people are like a drug for you. You know they are bad but you want more and more, even though you know that you are the only one who will get distraught.
Each time something bad happens with this person, it is like bricks are dropping in your stomach and you try and find every excuse and way to make it better. It isn’t the first time it happened and it won’t be the last either.
Every time this person is mentioned or you see something they have done on Facebook or their name comes up on your phone, you instantly smile. You crave that passion that you both once shared. Seeing this person smile at you can make your heart melt, especially when you know it is genuine happiness from you.
When you’re alone, this person acts a certain way with you. You know, making you feel invincible like you’re the only person in the world they care about, but bring other people into the mix and it is as if you don’t even exist. It is as if everything you have ever done for this person was for nothing. You are once again looking at that blank canvas and realize that this person will never give you what you want, they will always be distant and no matter what you do, he or she will never be as present as you want them to be.
This person can tell you how beautiful you are and you will believe it because you believe anything that comes out of their mouth. Their words make you ache with pleasure and pain at the same time and that is something you can never control.
The problem with this person for you is that you cannot say no. For some reason, the pain they give you is pleasurable. Again, like a drug. They are your heroin. You know how bad they are for you but you are in this deep, sick and twisted cycle because you are convincing yourself of all the possibilities of what could be. Though, deep down you know it will never be anything.
Your friends are genuinely sick of listening to you, though they stand by you each time. You call them up crying because your person did what he or she does best, and that is to hurt you. You tell your friends that this is it and you will never go back, but you do. You know you will. You are only lying to yourself. I have always told any of my friends stuck in these situations that they deserve better and they know It about themselves too.
I was hurt once. It broke me and I have never felt as emotionally unstable, vulnerable and naked as I was on that day. Getting hurt is one of the most intimate experiences you can ever have with someone.
But why? Why are we drawn to those who do it to us? Are we emotionally that weak or in love? Might be both, might be neither. Either way, you come to realize that this behavior is both childish and foolish.
I one day came to the realization that this is not the way I should feel be treated. You cannot control the way you feel but you can control the way you get treated by someone. This person will never change for you and you cannot change who you are for them.
Realize your worth people, I did. I spent a lot of time in this messed up mind game and one day, it clicked, who the hell is he?! I am better than him and I deserve way better. The day that happened, it felt like bucket loads of weight was lifted from my back and I was happy again.
Your happiness is what is important in life, do not let anyone make you feel less than your worth and to all of you reading, you are all worth a million bucks!