Meatball Face Ron DeSantis Seeks His Revenge (Satire)
After Donald Trump vowed never to nickname Florida Governor Ron DeSantis “meatball Ron,” the Florida Governor has decided to take the following measures to protect his reputation even if he decides not to run for the presidency.
“I will not allow my good name and my beautiful face to made into a joke! I’m glad to hear that President Trump has swore that we will never call me, ‘meatball face’ ever again,” DeSantis said.
The Governor added, “I know that the Donald is a man of his word. A honest man. A man who never lies. That’s why he made such a great president.
My wife doesn’t think I have a meatball face and she’s not a lying politician.”
However, to stop other citizens, poets, song writers, artists or authors from calling him “meatball face,” DeSantis has created the, I AM NOT A MEATBALL FACE CAMPAIGN.
From the steps of the Florida Supreme Court Building, DeSantis listed the steps and actions he has taken to protect his image and his good name:
1, Order all school boards to ban any books comparing his face to a meatball;
2. Ask the Florida Legislature to pass a law prohibiting state libraries from having any books, articles, periodicals in which the Governor’s last name and the word “Meatball” are found in the same sentence;
3. Require all Twitter or Facebook bloggers to register monthly if they are making any money off of their blogs by besmirching his name and using any pictures (photo shopping) of the Governor with a large red Italian meatball placed on his shoulders;
4. Ask the Legislature pass a law that makes calling the Governor a “Meatball Face” in public a third degree felony.
5. Congratulate the Department of Education for having issued and published a new rule in the Florida Administrative Code which is similar to the “never say gay law.” It mandates that all public school teachers and state college professors are, from this day forward, prohibited from saying the word, “meatball” in their classrooms.
The Governor closed his press conference with the following admonishment, “To hell with the First Amendment, I don’t like it when people make fun of me and for those that do it, I hope they end up in jail.”