Meatballs or Fishballs? A Kiddush Mystery!

A funny thing happened to me at the kiddush after synagogue services today, and it’s too good not to share with a smile.

So, this shul is proudly Sephardic—and they don’t mess around when it comes to lunch. Salad? Check. Challah? Check. Hummus, coleslaw, chicken, meat, fish? Check, check, check! Basically, a holy buffet.

This week, my eyes zeroed in on some meatballs nestled next to a pile of orzo noodles, and I happily scooped some up to take back to the table. Lo and behold, at the end of the buffet, there was another tray that looked suspiciously like meatballs…except they were swimming in some sauce that made me think, “Hmm, maybe these are fish balls?” But then again, who really eats cooked fish balls besides those unlucky souls forced to attend synagogue dinners, aka gefilte fish balls 2.0?

Anyway, I’m sitting there at my table with family and friends, happily munching away, when in comes a sprightly older lady who drops in beside me like a surprise guest star. She asks, “So, how do you like the kiddush this week?” I’m mid-chew, blissfully replying, “Oh, it’s good—especially the meatballs this time!”

Cue her face—this mix of shock and “Did you really just say that?” She launches into a mini tirade, insisting there were no meatballs, only fish balls. I’m sitting there trying to stay calm, thinking, “But I just ate meat. And happily!” I gently tell her I thought they had both, and that I really enjoyed what I was sure were meatballs.

Oh no no no, now she’s getting serious, voice rising, passionately declaring that she’s an expert on kiddush meat/fish affairs because she went to the synagogue dinner recently—and they served exclusively fish balls! At this point, I’m slightly stunned—who knew kiddush cuisine could stir emotions fiercer than a synagogue argument about aliyah honors?

At my age, I’ve learned when there’s an angry, vocal older congregant fussing about kiddush food, it’s best not to argue—especially over meat vs. fish balls. But hey, the takeaway is clear: never be too sure about what you’re eating, never argue with a determined lady about synagogue food, and definitely avoid the fish balls at all costs.

So next week, I’m bringing my own meatballs—just in case.