Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden
Psychology, Medicine, Science, Politics, Oppression, Integrity, Philosophy, Jews

Men, stop blaming women

Do we really still need to explain that when we misstep and fall, the ground is not evil for hitting us?

Do we really still need to explain that when civilians are raped and shot in a war, they are not stupid or evil for being victimized?

Do we really still need to explain that Jews did not cause the Holocaust?

Do we really still need to explain that women do not cause or ask being stared at, being catcalled, being raped, and being murdered by men?

* **

A Fresh News Story of a Toxic Mix of Male Sexism and Violence, White Racism, and Western Sex Fixation

An Israeli teenager’s famous silky voice at a half-pornographic Israeli music clip, accompanied by many sparsely clad underfed women and some token half-naked muscle-bound men (not unusual on YouTube), is now charged with contributing to the violation of women in Israel, according to some opinion leaders (men, for sure). And some women chip in too (of course), just as there always will be Jews who blame (part of) Jew-hatred on Jews.

Of course, the men-run news site shows the clip and the victim-blaming. They’re just reporting, right? Not trying to make money by showing skin?

First, no one buys your art (or talks to you) if you keep it super decent. Then, if you don’t, you are the slut who is indecent–not the public’s taste.

Even prostitutes do not give a license to be violated (Jack the Ripper).


And of course, when sexism shows up, racism is never far-away. The teen-singer’s audience is not exclusively Ashkenazic nor are all her dancers White. Often, her music sounds Arabic. She uses much Mizrachic idiom.

Israeli youths don’t know and don’t care if she is Mizrachic. But her clips are distinctly outside of the Caucasian bubble and alone for that, already will set off White people who do live in White ethnic isolation still.

Racism that White kids, still tiny, see from parents and educators is so shameful to them that they learn to suppress anything to do with their bodies: closeness, dancing, even pride. And nothing drives a sex addiction like isolation, loneliness. Add classical Christian morality that sex is dirty and sinful and White Europe and the USA are the top of sex obsession.

Admit it, the Western world (in particular) is totally oversexed. Especially the men. Sexualizing, labeling non-White women ‘exotic,’ is a popular form of racism and sexism combined. Don’t dare to blame that on (any) women!


As if that all isn’t enough, Wikipedia (Hebrew) (as always backed up by sources) reports that in 2018, the singer’s father was arrested on suspicion of contacting the singer’s minor fans and making sexual suggestions. He confessed in part and was convicted under a plea agreement. How cruel and foul to accuse the daughter, Adi Bity, of being sexually provocative!

Stop blaming the victim! Start taking responsibility for ending sexism and sexual violence, and men murdering acquainted girls and women.

As long as you are blaming (anyone) instead of being an activist, you’re part of the problem. Speak out against sexual violence! Whoever could envision beautiful skin to be an invitation to be violent but a sick mind?

NB: Sexual violence is not a form of sex. It is a form of violence.

I like how the Sages already understood that easier than taming the men, would be to ask women to dress up. But they never blamed the women.

About the Author
MM is a prolific and creative writer and thinker, a daily blog contributor to the TOI. He is a fetal survivor of the pharmaceutical industry (, born in 1953 to two Dutch survivors who met in the largest concentration camp in the Netherlands, Westerbork, and holds a BA in medicine (University of Amsterdam). He taught Re-evaluation Co-counseling, became a social activist, became religious, made Aliyah, and raised three wonderful kids. He wrote an unpublished tome about Jewish Free Will. He's a strict vegan since 2008. He's an Orthodox Jew but not a rabbi. * His most influential teachers (chronologically) are: his parents, Nico (natan) van Zuiden and Betty (beisye) Nieweg, Wim Kan, Mozart, Harvey Jackins, Marshal Rosenberg, Reb Shlomo Carlebach, and, lehavdil bein chayim lechayim: Rabbi Dr. Natan Lopes Cardozo, Rav Zev Leff, and Rav Meir Lubin. * Previously, for decades, he was known to the Jerusalem Post readers as a frequent letter writer. For a couple of years, he wrote hasbara for the Dutch public. His fields of attention now are varied: Psychology (including Sexuality and Abuse), Medicine (including physical immortality), Science (statistics), Politics (Israel, the US and the Netherlands, Activism - more than leftwing or rightwing, he hopes to highlight Truth), Oppression and Liberation (intersectionally, for young people, the elderly, non-Whites, women, workers, Jews, LGBTQIA, foreigners and anyone else who's dehumanized or exploited), Integrity, Philosophy, Jews (Judaism, Zionism, Holocaust and Jewish Liberation), Ecology and Veganism. Sometimes he's misunderstood because he has such a wide vision that never fits any specialist's box. But that's exactly what many love about him. Many of his posts relate to affairs from the news or the Torah Portion of the Week or are new insights that suddenly befell him. * He hopes that his words will inspire and inform, reassure the doubters but make the self-assured doubt more. He strives to bring a fresh perspective rather than bore you with the obvious. He doesn't expect his readers to agree. Rather, original minds must be disputed. In short, his main political positions are: anti-Trumpism, for Zionism, Intersectionality, non-violence, democracy, anti the fake peace process, for original-Orthodoxy, Science, Free Will, anti blaming-the-victim and for down-to-earth optimism. Read his blog how he attempts to bridge any discrepancies. He admits sometimes exaggerating to make a point, which could have him come across as nasty, while in actuality, he's quite a lovely person to interact with. He holds - how Dutch - that a strong opinion doesn't imply intolerance of other views. * His writing has been made possible by an allowance for second-generation Holocaust survivors from the Netherlands. It has been his dream since he was 38 to try to make a difference by teaching through writing. He had three times 9-out-of-10 for Dutch at his high school finals but is spending his days communicating in English and Hebrew - how ironic. G-d must have a fine sense of humor. In case you wonder - yes, he is a bit dyslectic. November 13, 2018, he published his 500th blog post with the ToI. If you're a native English speaker and wonder why you should read from people whose English is only their second language, consider the advantage of having a peek outside of your cultural bubble. * NEW: To see other blog posts by him, his overspill blog you can reach by clicking on the Website icon next to his picture at the head of every post. There you may find precursors to later TOI blog posts, addition or corrections of published TOI blog posts, blog posts the TOI will not carry, and some thoughts that are too short to be a TOI blog post. Also, the TOI only allows for one blog post per blogger per 24 hours. Sometimes, he has more to say than that. * To send any personal reaction to him, scroll to the top of the blog post and click Contact Me.
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