New words of prayer for a year of no words

Ochila La E-l, I shall put my hope in God

Each High Holiday season, we return to the same liturgy. Year after year, the same words, often the same tunes. The repetition and comfort in the familiarity of the prayers often highlights what we find different in ourselves – the sameness of our surroundings allows us to see our changes more clearly – how we’ve grown, what we’ve overcome, who we are missing, what we’ve gained. 

But this has been a year of turmoil where so little has felt the same, so much has changed, too many are missing. This year – the sameness and familiarity feels uncomfortable, almost offensive. As if the liturgy has not made space to acknowledge the enormity of this past year and all we have traversed. 

After a year of “no words,” perhaps we need new words. 

The organization, SVIVAH, invited me to revisit one of my favorite prayers, Ochila La E-l, “I Shall Put My Hope In God,” and to explore what new words might be fitting for this year. In doing so, I found myself in excellent company with dozens of other contemporary female voices who also needed new words, new prayers, new poetry to hold us after this weighty year. There were so many of us, that we created a new Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur machzor companion – something to hold close by as we move through the high holiday season. New voices reflecting on these ancient texts in ways that feel deeply resonant and immensely personal. We are not who we were last Rosh Hashana – we know that. It’s not difficult to see. What we needed were new words of tefillah (prayer) to hold our new selves as we approach this beginning of another year. 

Ochila La-El: I Put My Hope In God 

The Musaf service features a brief tefillah (prayer) that expresses the chazan’s (the cantor’s) apprehension and aspirations. Ochila La’E-l (I Shall Place my Hope in God) is the cry of the chazan, a plea for the strength and language to appeal to the Almighty on behalf of the congregation. For its part, the congregation listens with open and hopeful hearts, bearing witness to the chazan’s sincerity and passion.

אוֹחִֽילָה לָ-אֵל. אֲחַלֶּה פָנָיו. אֶשְׁאֲלָה מִמֶּנּוּ מַעֲנֵה לָשׁוֹן: אֲשֶׁר בִּקְהַל עָם אָשִֽׁירָה עֻזּוֹ. אַבִּֽיעָה רְנָנוֹת בְּעַד מִפְעָלָיו: לְאָדָם מַעַרְכֵי לֵב. וּמֵ-הֹ’ מַעֲנֵה לָשׁוֹן: אֲ-דֹנָי, שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח. וּפִי יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶֽךָ: יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי פִי וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶֽיךָ הֹ’ צוּרִי וְגוֹאֲלִי:

I hope in Almighty, I implore God’s Presence, I ask of God to grant me eloquent speech, so that in the congregation of the people, I might sing of God’s might and utter joyful songs praising God’s deeds. The arrangements of thoughts belong to humans, but [only] from God, comes eloquent speech. My Master, open my lips and my mouth will declare Your praise. May the words of my mouth be acceptable and the thoughts of my heart — before You A-donoy, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Why must the chazan (cantor) ask for the appropriate language with which to approach God? Doesn’t the chazan have a machzor?! Isn’t the liturgy provided in print, in its entirety, including this very prayer? Yet, this tefillah includes the words אֶשְׁאֲלָה מִמֶּנּוּ מַעֲנֵה לָשׁוֹן – I ask God for eloquent speech. Why does the chazan make such a request? Out loud? For the entire congregation to hear?

I never really understood this inclusion until October 7th. Since then, I have been haunted by a phrase that seems to surface in every conversation about recent events: ein milim — There are no words. There are simply no words to express the shock. There are no words to describe the horror. There are no words to express the heartache. There are no words to express the worry. There are no words to express the hopelessness. There are no words to express the longing. There are no words to describe the bravery. There are no words to describe the acts of kindness. There are no words to express the love. Ein milim.

This year, there are so many who are unable to speak. Those whose lives have been stolen, those who have experienced trauma, those whose hearts are too broken, those who are in captivity, and those who can no longer turn to God. Perhaps this year, each of us has a share in the tefillah of Ochilah La’E-l. Like the chazan, we may be carrying others who are simply unable to speak. We pray on their behalf and hold them in our hearts.

The following original version of Ochilah La’E-l expresses our hopes and bewilderment as ein milim is woven into the cadence of the text.

אוֹחִֽילָה לָ-אֵל. אֲחַלֶּה פָנָיו. אֶשְׁאֲלָה מִמֶּנּוּ מַעֲנֵה לָשׁוֹן:

 אין מילים.

אין מילים לבטא את ההלם, כאב הלב, הדאגה, גַעגוּעִים, וחוסר התקווה.

 אין מילים.

אין מילים לבטא את האומץ, את מעשי החסד, את ביטויי האהבה

אֲשֶׁר בִּקְהַל עָם אָשִֽׁירָה עֻזּוֹ.

אני כאן כדי לדבר בשם מי שלא יכול.

______________________________:אני נושא בליבי את האנשים האלו

 אנא ה’ תן להם קוֹל דרך תפילתי

 אַבִּֽיעָה רְנָנוֹת בְּעַד מִפְעָלָיו: לְאָדָם מַעַרְכֵי לֵב. וּמֵה’ מַעֲנֵה לָשׁוֹן

אין לי מילים כי הלב שלי כל כך מלא ברגשות– הרגשות מעבר למילים

אֲ-דֹנָי, שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח. וּפִי יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶֽךָ: יִהְיוּ לְרָצוֹן אִמְרֵי פִי וְהֶגְיוֹן לִבִּי לְפָנֶֽיךָ ה’ צוּרִי וְגוֹאֲלִי

יהי רצון שהחוויה הזו של “אין לי מילים” של השתיקה חסרת התקווה תהפוך לחוסר מילים של שמחה סוחפת.

I hope in Almighty, I implore God’s Presence, I ask of God to grant me eloquent speech,

There are no words. 

There are no words to describe the shock, the heartache, the worry, the longing, the hopelessness.

There are no words. 

There are no words to describe the bravery, the acts of kindness, the expressions of love.  

For the congregation of the people, I might sing of God’s might and utter joyful songs praising God’s deeds.

I am here to speak for those who cannot. 

I am carrying in my heart the following people:_______________

Please allow them to express themselves through my prayers. 

The arrangements of thoughts belong to humans, but [only] from God, comes eloquent speech. 

There are no words because my heart is so overwhelmed by emotions. What I am feeling is beyond words. 

My Master, open my lips and my mouth will declare Your praise. May the words of my mouth be acceptable and the thoughts of my heart — before You Adonoy, my Rock and my Redeemer.

May the “Ein Milim” of hopeless silence be transformed into speechlessness of overwhelming joy. 

—

This piece is included along with 40 others in SVIVAH’s “B’Kol Libeinu: The Call of Our Hearts” Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur Companion, available to download at www.svivah.org/machzor2024. We hope that this companion will offer you new ways to experience the traditional prayers, and that its writings will shower with you support, love, and inspiration as you journey toward renewal and rebirth. May the Merciful One renew for us this year for good and for blessing.