The Blogs: Operation Baby Steps—Satire

Picture of Orthodox Jew Marching with Broom in Jerusalem —Picture Created by Author Using OpenArt

From what I read in the Times of Israel, Israel has a problem getting some ultra-Orthodox Haredi Jews to join the IDF and fulfill their military service.

Historically, when it comes to solving Israeli problems, the United States has a proven track record of doling out great advice and providing common-sense solutions to Israel’s problems.

In this tradition, I once again step up to the plate with a creative solution to the Haredi-soldiering problem. I have named the program “Operation Baby Steps.”

Here is the first installment of the process that I am recommending for the IDF’s consideration.

Baby Step #1—– Broomsticks, Paint, and Movies:

IDF purchases one hundred (100) standard 46-inch broomsticks or mopsticks. (New or used, it doesn’t matter)

The IDF sends notices to 100 refuseniks, outlining their duties and responsibilities under this protocol. The notice reads:

Dear Refusenik:

We are giving you another chance to prove your loyalty to the State of Israel. Welcome to a new IDF Trainee Program especially created for you, which we call Operation “Baby Steps.”

First, you must appear at IDF barracks on (fill in the date and address) for compulsory training.

On the aforementioned date, when you arrive at the barracks, you shall be issued a broomstick and drilled on military marching with that broomstick and learn some Krav Maga techniques using your broom stick..

You shall march single file for approximately one mile and then arrive at the Kotel. Where you will be allowed to lay tefillin and pray for 15 minutes. At the conclusion of your allotted time, you shall march back to the barracks,

Upon arrival at the barracks, you shall watch a Holocaust film concerning the Nazis murdering Orthodox Jews and a short film about the history of the IDF. Then you shall commence painting your name and a Hebrew prayer on your stick. Upon completion of the painting, you shall be discharged for the day.

If you fail to attend the marching training, the consequences may be severe.

Signed//Commander of Haredi Trainee Program

Yes, I realize this is a “baby-step approach” that will not please many members of the IDF or the Haredi community. But this is a very serious problem that’s dividing Israeli society. One must remember, baby steps are movements in the right direction, and forward progress is much better than no progress at all. So let’s give it a try.