Parshat Ki Teitzei: He Comes for Us When We’re Tired
Mental Health in the Parsha is dedicated l’ilui nishmat Zev (Will) Shakin, z”l, who lived with a deep love of Israel and the belief that we must love our brother as ourselves, v’ahavta l’reacha kamocha. May his memory be a blessing, and may his light keep reaching the people who need it.
Here’s something I’ve noticed, and perhaps you have too. Our worst thoughts don’t show up when we’re doing well. They wait.
They wait until we’re tired. Until we’ve had a hard week, slept badly, and we’re dragging along at the back of our own lives. That’s when they hit. Not when we’re strong and rested. When we’re already worn out.
The end of this week’s parsha figured that out about us a very long time ago, and put it into one line I can’t read the same way anymore.
Who Amalek went for
The parsha ends with a single word. “Zachor”. זכור את אשר עשה לך עמלק. Remember what Amalek did to us on our way out of Mitzrayim.
And it tells us exactly what he did. He didn’t fight our soldiers face to face. He came at us on the road, ויזנב בך כל הנחשלים אחריך, and he cut down the ones lagging at the back, ואתה עיף ויגע, when we were tired and worn out.
Look at who he picked. Not the strong ones up front. The stragglers. The tired. The weak. The ones who couldn’t keep up. He went for the people at the back that nobody was watching.
That’s not just an old war story. That is exactly how despair works on us.
The enemy that waits for us to be tired
There’s an old story that the real Amalek isn’t only a nation somewhere out there. It’s something inside us too. The word Amalek adds up to the same number as the word “safek”, which means doubt. And the parsha is clear about when he strikes. When we’re עיף ויגע. Tired and worn down.
That is exactly how it works for me, and perhaps for others that also may be reading this. The dark voice isn’t brave. It doesn’t come at us on a good morning, when we’re rested and strong. It’s a coward, and it’s patient. It waits until we’re running on empty, and then it sneaks in at the back and starts whispering that we’re failing, that it’s hopeless, that everyone would be fine without us.
It goes for the tired part of us. The part that fell behind this week.
And just knowing that helps. Because if our worst thoughts only get strong when we’re exhausted, then a lot of what feels like the truth at two in the morning isn’t the truth at all. It’s just Amalek doing the one thing he does, hitting us where we’re weak. It isn’t a message about our lives. It’s an ambush, and it picked its moment on purpose.
Put up the railing before we need it
There’s another rule that’s found earlier in the parsha, and until this week I never connected the two. When we build a house, we’re told to put a מעקה, a small fence, around the flat roof. Why? ולא תשים דמים בביתך. So nobody falls off. So we don’t bring tragedy into our home. Build the fence before anyone is near the edge. Not after. We put the railing up while everything is calm, so that on a bad night, it’s already there.
In thinking about this, that may be one of the most useful things I have found or can remember in the whole Torah, and it’s hiding inside a building rule. If we know the doubt comes for us when we’re tired, often at night, then we build our railings during the day. We line up the people we can call before we ever need to call them. We make the plan for the hard night on an easy afternoon. We put the fence up now, so that later, when we’re tired and standing too close to the edge, we don’t have to build it. We just have to hold on.
Don’t leave anyone at the back
And here’s the part that perhaps is the greatest lesson from the parsha and I try to really remember, the part that best connects us. If Amalek goes for the stragglers, then our whole job, together, is to make sure no one is left straggling. To walk to the back of the line. To notice who’s fallen behind, who’s gone quiet, and stay next to them, so they’re not alone out there where the doubt does its work. This whole parsha keeps pointing us there. Don’t walk past the lost object, לא תוכל להתעלם, we’re not allowed to look away. Help the person whose donkey collapsed under its load. Pay the worker before the sun goes down, because he’s poor and he’s counting on it tonight. Leave the corner of the field for whoever’s gathering at the edges. Again and again, the Torah pulls our eyes to the back of the line, to the people who are quietly struggling to keep up.
Because Amalek is already heading there. The only question is whether we get there first.
What we can try this week
None of this is me telling you or anyone I’ve got it figured out. I don’t. This is just what I want us to try together. Let’s name the ambush. When the dark thoughts come, let’s check the clock and check our bodies first. Are we exhausted? Short on sleep? Dragging at the back? If we are, that’s Amalek’s timing, not the truth. Let’s build our railings in the daylight. Set up the calls, the people, the plans now, while things are calm, so they’re already there on the hard night. This is Safety Planning 101.
Let’s go easy on ourselves when we’re tired. Be slower to believe the worst about ourselves exactly when we’re worn out, because that’s when the doubt has teeth. And let’s walk to the back of the line. Notice who around us has gone quiet, who’s limping, who’s fallen behind, and stay with them a while. That’s where we’re needed. And it’s where each of us would want someone to come find us.
Since I heard, ten days ago, about the passing of this beautiful young man, William Zev Shakin, z”l, I have not been able to stop thinking about him. He went by Will. His Hebrew name was Zev, the wolf, and his army unit was called the Wolves of Silence. That name has stayed with me since I heard it. Because in a way, this is all just an attempt to break the silence, to make sure the tired ones at the back are seen and heard, and never left out there alone. That is the idea he lived by and which we can follow.
If any of this is sitting close to home, please reach out. In the US you can call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any hour of any day. In Israel, ERAN’s emotional first-aid line is 1201. Wherever you live, a local crisis line, your doctor, or one person you trust is a good place to start. None of us has to be at the back of the line alone.
Mental Health in the Parsha is a weekly series on the weekly Torah portion and what it can offer us right now. These thoughts are meant for reflection and conversation, not as a replacement for professional mental health care.
