Peace deal reached before haredi protest

In an unexpected turn of events just hours before the massive haredi demonstration to protest the “draft bill”, a peace deal with the Palestinians was reached when Israeli negotiators offered the neighborhoods of Mea Shearim, Sanhedria and Geula as the future Palestinian capital.

In a formal statement from the American State Department, Secretary John Kerry said, “Everyone said a deal couldn’t be reached but I knew they were wrong. In fact, the Israelis couldn’t make this concession quickly enough. It was almost as if they were asking the other side to take the land.”

Negotiators on both sides met until late hours of Saturday night to hammer home the details.  The Israelis agreed to allow the return of a symbolic number of Palestinian refugees, and the Palestinians, the granting of full rights of citizenship to its Jewish citizens, along with their legal right to not serve their country, harass their female citizens, and throw trash on the ground at will.

After the announcement was made on TimesofIsrael.com, millions of Israeli citizens poured into the streets in celebration except for the haredi population who remained in the dark due to their ban on internet usage.

Hamas political leader Ismail Haniyeh said, “The time has come to live side by side with our neighbors.  Our days of working for the demise of the Jewish state are over.  Do not worry, my new Jewish Palestinian citizens, that is one job we will not force you to do.”

Co-written by Tony Jassen